2011-07-01 22:54:34Viviandoll
Transforming to ...
After my viva, the crushed confidence and sudden realisation of my over-dependence on someone outside myself have revived an Vivian to life. That is the Vivian never existed before, hibernating through the adolescence, the post-maturity in university and most of her uk life and observing the conventional, obedient, over-pleasing and submissive V1.
My destined dream was to form a sweet family of my own, baking cakes, smilingly sending off my beloved husband and lovely children and feeling super content like in heaven; now, I am still family-oriented but to build a family of my own has been a subtitle rather than my headline.
I never knew what I want in life so my decisions have always based on how people discuss and suggest to me in the past; now I have very strong vision what the career route I want to invest myself in, despite how much effort and obstacles is necessarily anticipated before me. I am not afraid!
In love, loyalty and beloved caring are the essence; however, now its not enough since to achieve my dream job has dominated my goals in life and the endearing relationship in which I was beloved and well-protected has been pushed aside.
After growing up, I seldom provoked my parents but always remained obedient and follow my mother around whenever she invited me to join her social activities; now I am brave enough to say whether I like to go along or not.
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My lovely mummy excitedly invited me to shop with her in the market when I was just starting to work hard in the morning. I declined her invite but later was intrigued by the good weather and childlike spirit. We spent much longer time wandering around the market than expected under a well-heated market. After we arrived home, I had to go back to the market for another four times (to buy my father's hair brush; to return it; to shop for cooking oil, to return and look for another one). Before the last outing, I told my mother that the whole morning I had been back and forward so many times. It was a complaint. After shutting the door on my way out, I immediately felt the relief. I knew my mother would not like to take my complaint but I also knew that her temper coming easily and going quickly. However, when I bought a bottle of cooking oil back, I only found that my mother was out, predictably for the oil purchase. Heard her coming in, few seconds later, she went out again (to return her oil).
Later that afternoon, my mother told me that she sees my changes now. I only replied that I am changing but I am only concerned that if my parents aren't used to these changes. My mother later shared with me a daughter of her friend's friend commit suicide lately after everyone all praised how well-behaved, sweet, sensible, polite and social she was for her whole life. This is not something she would like to see happening to me, so she rather seeing me to be myself. She also agrees to how I behaved against her temper: not react but remain cool.
Afterwards, my parents and me become very connected, open-hearted and clicked. It always take a lot to make a change, but it takes more to let your beloved ones to not only acknowledge but also accept those changes. I am very lucky that my parents take what I have thrown to them as how it is; understand and support whatever my choices are and appreciate who I am becoming and about to become.
Today is a remarkable date on which the unusual outcomes emerge from the usual occurrence.
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