2012-05-28 18:03:59老鼠人

我們的歌 In These Arms


這陣子,為了保持工作情緒高昂,出門不管走在路上或坐公車都會戴上耳機聽搖滾樂,延續長久以來喜歡重覆聽一首歌的習慣,每一趟都換一首歌重覆播放,某天放了In These Arms,一遍都還沒聽完就淚流滿面,都過幾年了,還是沒辦法。

週五晚和妹妹聊到半夜三點,關於工作、感情、人生……聊了好多、好久。分手後,我的時間感一直很差,剛開始每一天都像一年,後來一年卻又好像上個月而已,不知不覺,原來我們最後一次以情侶身份約會已是近四年前的事了,而你絕不知道命運之神有多神,就在那一年Y回來台灣工作,彷彿有人早把劇本大綱寫好了,我們不過是依序出場,上演沒得彩排的今生戲碼。

說到你真是個浪漫的人,好在有你的浪漫用心,即使記憶力極差的我也能記得許多片刻,我記得我們的歌In These Arms,記得那晚緩慢經過的火車,記得你後來信上說這首歌不是隨便放給我聽……妹妹忽然說她彷彿呼吸到潮濕的空氣,我才正要把「更深露重」說出口呢,當年的麥坎納啤酒屋、大學路、光一舍場景瞬間在眼前重現,一切歷歷在目,一晃眼卻已經二十年過去了。

Y送我髮圈那天,回家的路上我就哭慘了,除了對未知的恐懼,同時想起我們剛交往的時候,其實你也送過我特別的髮夾,但你並不是直接拿出來送給我,在女生宿舍門口的寒冷冬夜,你藉口要幫我暖手,抓著我手就塞進你外套口袋,然後我發現了你趁等我的空檔去東寧路上的清平調所挑的驚喜。我想起了好多好多,是的,你愛過我,除了大大小小的各種浪漫,有十幾年我們都十指緊扣走在路上,有十幾年我們幾乎每晚睡前通話聊一個小時以上,有十幾年我們維持著親吻雙頰、接吻、擁抱完才分別的不捨儀式,感情不好怎麼可能這樣?難道都是機器人般的設定習慣嗎?只是,愛那樣深,推翻也不過頃刻間,即使是現在已經看清許多事的我,還是很難輕鬆,想起來仍然會揪心刺痛、猛掉淚。

謝謝Y短暫地出現我生命中,他讓我理解了你更多,我的確早不適合你了,確切地說,是不適合大多數想成家的男人,除了工作,我和我的生活跟二十年前幾乎沒什麼差別,一樣任性固執、脾氣差,說穿了就是一個肉體衰老的偽女大生,早就無法跟上你的腳步,遷就我多年的你辛苦了,謝謝你不要我,讓我可以繼續做我自己,各方面都不成熟但仍有可愛之處、會讓我自己喜歡的死德性自己。總以為你是個沒肩膀的傢伙,但你終究做了一件很有肩膀的事,不回頭地離開了我。

我不知道你會不會有一天忽然覺得對我過意不去,你會嗎?但我知道在你心底深處永遠會有一個閃著特殊光輝的身影,就像你永遠會在我心底深處閃閃發光一樣,儘管世事變化,我記得你純情的模樣,如同你記得我曾經可愛。

In These Arms – Bon Jovi
You want commitment
Take a look into these eyes
They burn with fire, yeah
Until the end of time
And I would do anything
I'd beg, I'd steal, I'd die
To have you in these arms tonight

Baby I want you
Like the roses want the rain
You know I need you
Like a poet needs the pain
And I would give anything
My blood, my love, my life
If you were in these arms tonight

I'd hold ya, I'd need ya
I'd get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I'd love ya, I'd please ya
I'd tell you that I'd never leave ya
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight

We stared at the sun
And we made a promise
A promise this world would never blind us
These were our words
Our words were our songs
Our songs are our prayers
These prayers keep me strong
And I still believe
If you were in these arms

I'd hold ya, I'd need ya
I'd get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I'd love ya, I'd please ya
I'd tell you that I'd never leave ya
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight

Your clothes are still scattered all over our room
This old place still smells like your cheap perfume
Everything here reminds me of you
There's nothing I wouldn't do...

And these were our words
They keep me strong
Baby...

I'd hold ya, I'd need ya
I'd get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I'd love ya, I'd please ya
I'd tell you that I'd never leave ya
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight

If you were in these arms tonight
If you were in these arms tonight
If you were in these arms
Baby...

Like the roses need the rain
Like the seasons need the change
Like the poet needs the pain
I need you
In these arms tonight