關於圖片：買書是我老煙槍爸被我媽叨唸的另一個壞習慣
擠爆木柵的家後又繼續擠爆新店的家還捨不得處理掉

一個禮拜前，利用寒輔課空堂查單字順便瞎晃網站
看了幾篇以Depression and Seniors為題的文章
存下了兩篇，其中一篇分享93歲媽媽經驗的讓我讀來特別有感覺
原本就下定決心要讓老爸快活地活著到嚥氣那天為止的我
這下更加意志堅決，這對一個原本就固執的人實在不是件難事吧(((哈)))
但這也同時意味著我必須適時狠心放棄急救和任何積極或消極治療
意味著我必須順著老頑童的意志，繼續地不屑醫生和那些化學合成物
老爺子早就說他活夠本了，什麼時候走都不冤枉
我怎麼可能為了讓他多呼吸幾下就讓他飽受折磨呢
不會的，我這麼愛他是不會這樣做的
如果我帶他去醫院一定是為了讓他活得更舒服自在
絕不會是為了延長他的生命讓一堆管子、液體在他身上進進出出

六年前因為膀胱癌我老爸動了生平第一次手術
快兩年的時間定期檢查追蹤、化療(只做了一次半就放棄)
然後在他回復了信心後就再也不肯回醫院做檢查複診
因為看了許多書和資料後，他認為醫生能做的就是幫他把癌細胞切除
剩下的必須要靠他自己的免疫力
而他的免疫力必須要靠他自己
那些殺死所有細胞的放射線治療和灌藥化療根本是在加害他
我被說服了，因為高度害怕和緊張更傷身
膀胱癌化療必須從尿道口插進軟管灌進毒性極強的藥
不管軟管有多柔軟加上多少潤滑劑都一樣是非常折磨人的事
而且事實證明雖然沒有繼續化療但我爸的報告一次比一次健康
我和Zoe後來專業到拿到數據都先抄進自己做的表格裡
在看醫生前就已經先看懂那些數據所代表的意義了
(((哈)))這是我爸甘心用心栽培女兒的良好代價
生兒子有什麼了不起的，不長進不貼心根本就不值得

家人的在乎和支持永遠是病人痊癒重要的一環
果然，當老爺子信心滿滿加上老媽細心煮食照料下
這幾年根本就看不出來他是個癌症病患
就只是個行動自如、愛趴趴走的老傢伙罷了
但最近幾個月事情忽然有了變化
老爺子陸續咳了四個多月，每次一好轉就又遇到變天猛咳起來
隱約覺得大事不妙，因為當年病發那年之前也是這樣連續咳了好久
說要帶他去看醫生，但他說他就是醫生……
我只問了一次，因為再問就是壓力就是在減低他的抵抗力
每週買一瓶加了人蔘的川貝枇杷膏給他喝，倒是讓他挺開心的
也許戒菸就好多了吧，可是這件事我也盡量不提
那是他唯一的壞習慣和將近一輩子的老朋友了
尤其我聽說某某某的老爸八十好幾戒煙後反而很快就走了
就更不想拿戒煙這個話題煩他
老媽酸溜溜的經典名言就是『呷厚死不通死哞呷』(閩南語)

幾天前，看見老爸臉上忽然出現了落寞沮喪的表情
沒第一時間問他，因為我的習慣是再觀察一下搜集多一點訊息再出擊
果然，我老爸因為老化的原因開始輕微尿失禁
問他要不要去看看醫生呢
老頑童哈哈笑了起來說『我不相信醫生……』
想也知道我只是問問而已，但我們當然必須處理這個小問題
整理一下房間讓他從小書房走到廁所能夠更通行無阻
房間廁所晚上的燈就不關了讓他更從容
請出了包大人的內褲式穿脫尿布讓他晚上穿上能安心睡覺
我很高興這次他並沒有覺得難為情也沒有拒絕
但我老爸仍然努力著要維持正常的生理機能
所以他馬上自己就去買了漢方的XX地黃丸，能夠特別補腎氣的配方
而我也馬上買了蔓越莓膠囊給他，中西合璧希望可以有不錯的效果
好一陣子沒再買保健食品給他，因為他喜歡自己買的那些瓶瓶罐罐
真是個超有主見的老頭兒，不像我老媽總是欣然接受我準備的每一樣補品

擔心有一點，應該說是很大一點((苦笑兩聲吧))
但我總是這樣，越是遇到大事越是冷靜思考解決之道
平常我會跳腳的其實都是些我很在乎卻不算太大的事
真的大事，情緒化的那一面就會自動退下甚至變得有點無情
沒辦法，月亮落在雙魚很難不濫情壞事
不冰冷一下自己的心，恐怕就沉溺在哭天搶地的沮喪憂懼裡
今天老爸情況看起來似乎比前兩天好多了
心理作用真是一帖很有效的藥
有療效的藥加上心理作用就是會更有效
知道家人並沒有厭棄他的意思還積極地幫助他，應該給了他一點信心吧
他很坦然接受自己老化退化的事，至少目前如此
希望接下來老爸的情況會更有進步
即使沒有，我們也都能坦然從容地面對和處理所遇到的大小事

生老病死，人生再自然不過的事
我老爸還真是個超幸運的傢伙，還有我們在呢
我和Zoe的感慨就是我們又老又病的時候是要抱頭痛哭還是怎樣好呢？
樂觀一點好了，也許屆時台灣會變成一個對老人很友善的社會^^
然後，我第一次覺得
萬一哪天卡爾忽然不正常地想要跟我求婚
我可能不會答應他了
可能沒小孩已經給我太多壓力
而我不可能離開需要我的老爸和老媽
真是個孤寡的命呀

附上其中那篇我特別有感覺的英文文章
有興趣的還可以到以下網址看其它的相關文章http://www.helium.com/knowledge/61300-depression-seniors-growing-trend

Depression and seniors: A growing trend -- Betty Hahn

If you say it enough, it will be believed!

Some years ago when I was working in a job that involved visiting people in nursing homes, hospitals and people unable to get out of their own home for reasons of age and/or declining health, I first heard it said that many older people were depressed. It was a focus of concern in some of the teachings to which I was exposed.

As a result, when my 93 year old mother, living in a nursing home, told me she was depressed, I dutifully contacted her doctor who arranged for a psychiatrist to visit her. This specialist put my mother on medication. Not too long after that my mother had an episode of anxiety and became aggressive to the point of having to be hospitalized. When the medicine had been stopped and my mother quieted down, we were informed that she had had several T I A’s. No one could say just when that had happened. My mother never returned to the level of function that she had before this episode.

Now I question how appropriate it is to give these strong medications to elderly people. Older people’s bodies do not process drugs as effectively as younger people’s do. Caution as to dosage is necessary.

Where did this idea of growing depression among seniors originate? Were studies performed to support the premise? What distinguishes the clinically depressed from those seniors who are simply lonely, sad, anxious about tomorrow, in chronic pain, and feeling useless, etc., etc.

Growing old involves a series of losses. Friends die or move away. Some become disabled. Some live in nursing homes. Children have long since moved out of the house and settled into their own lives - often at a distance. Illness and disabilities make a large claim on an older person’s time - time that once was occupied in productive work or recreation. The senses fail. Cataracts, Glaucoma, Macular Degeneration imperil ones sight. It becomes more and more difficult to hear and understand. Money disappears for medical costs. Daily living becomes dependent on medications for blood-pressure, diabetes, heart problems, chronic pain, and others.

People feel loss, loss, and more loss.

It becomes scary. Personal confidence slips. Often the elderly are dependent on others to get from one place to another, it having been deemed that they are no longer competent to drive. They can no longer can perform simple chores that they have always done. Their fingers ache. Their eyesight is poor and so needlework or wood-working hobbies are put aside. By this time the elderly have lost all the familiar things and feelings that let one know who one is.

People become sad. They are lonely. They feel useless, uncertain, unsure, and fearful of what lies ahead. Perhaps they are depressed, but clinically so? I wonder!

There are similarities between our lives as infants and our lives as seniors. We are dependent on others at both ends of the life spectrum. Infants have to be fed, comforted, played with, protected, dressed, bathed, diapered and held. So do seniors.

There are differences as well. A baby doesn’t feel indignity at having to be diapered. A senior does. A baby who can’t crawl or walk doesn’t feel deprived. A senior does. An infant is comfortable within limited familiar surroundings. An adult who is shut-in feels socially deprived. For a baby it is normal for someone else to feed him/her. For a senior this dependency is a loss of self sufficiency. Decisions are automatically made for a baby who knows no difference. When decision making is taken out of a senior’s hands it is another basic loss.

Is there an increase in the number of depressed seniors, or is it that we are not recognizing the losses and the accompanying sadness?

Hopefully the medical community will continue to study this matter to adequately meet the needs of seniors. In the meantime our focus needs to be on healing them, easing their pain and anxieties, raising their dignity and restoring their hope.

Numbing our elderly with medication, naming them clinically depressed - these solutions should be used sparingly.

A growing number of seniors are sad and lonely. Let’s keep saying that. ”A growing number of seniors are sad and lonely.” If we say it enough, we will believe it and we will act to lighten and brighten their days.