Aug. 25. '04
11.56pm

Can't sleep again.
Maybe i've been sleeping too much these two days and not burning any energy.
Been in bed for 20 minutes but was thinking of him.
I wonder why after all this i would still think of him at night before i fall asleep.
Even after that night i saw him at Warner village.
He looked terrible.
Not cute at all.
But i am still thinking of him for like 50 times a day.
I know i've experienced this and it should last for two or three more months.
It's just affecting my life and disturbing my schedule.
If i really have experienced this before, it should be easier and faster for me this time.
It is easier, true, but not faster, well, so far.

I found these journals i kept in college during the trip to Europe.
I didn't know i hated L that much.
My words were furious, very!
But i couldn't help laughing out loud when i was reading it yesterday.
You know to look back years later, no matter how big the issues were in the past, they all seem extremely tiny to the present you.
You even think it's stupid and unnessacerry to be so angry with your loved one over these pathetic incidence.
Well, of course you wouldn't think so at that time.
This is the good thing about keeping a journal or listening to your friends' relationship problem.
You learn, and you tell yourself not to make the same mistakes as possible as you can.

However, this time, i didn't keep a journal.
It was too painful for me to write it all down.
I wouldn't be able to read it.
I felt like it's been carved in my heart.
If like what i just said, you learn from your mistakes or experience, what have i learned from this past undefinable relationship?
I am afraid to say it, but the idea did pop up in my head.
That is, nothing.
Maybe I have, just can't identify it.
I am not sure.
um... maybe i've learned that i have to be more self-protective next time when i meet someone.

It's a pity.
I really once thought i did learn something out of it, like love and devotion that kind of thing.
But i didn't.
What a shame...