2015-01-25 23:57:46甘益光

湖的秘密

  Secrets of the Lakes
  文 / 小戴


 
哪有這麼多秘密?嗯,說不定有。你可能把秘密都藏到湖裡了。問題是,湖也有它自己的秘密啊,那你們的秘密豈不都混在一起了。
 
也沒什麼不好啦,若有一天,你睡覺時,把秘密說了出來,大可把一切推給那座湖。你會說別人聽到的那個秘密,其實是湖的秘密。別人根本分不清楚,那是你的秘密,還是湖的秘密。
 
你曾是個輕艇選手,當時一天到晚都在湖上練習,因此跟湖建立了親密的關係,你無論什麼事,都會向湖傾訴,所以只有湖知道你的秘密情人是誰。
 
記得那天,你陪著秘密情人來到了一個主題樂園。你對童年最愉快的回憶,便是來自某次與父親共遊這個秘密主題樂園。幼年母親離家出走,父親雖忙於工作,跟你不親近,卻在你念小學時,帶你到這個主題樂園玩,讓你的童年,至少有此快樂的一頁。
 
這個主題樂園乍看之下平淡無奇,它是由數個人工島嶼所組成的,中間有一座湖,湖裡八成藏有不少秘密,湖畔的建築物也是互異其趣的秘密基地。當你踏進這個看起來像是個島嶼城市的樂園,便會被各式各樣的秘密所吸引。別驚訝,這裡所有的秘密都是真實的,且是來自你四周圍的平凡人。
 
你此次雖是重遊,但經過這麼多年,樂園的設施大部分都更新過了,所以還是充滿新鮮感。去了幾個有趣的秘密後,你來到一個很不一樣的秘密,這是一個殺人現場,真是太血腥了,除了有謀殺,還有分屍。你根本就不忍看下去,便閉上眼睛,只知道好像是個男子謀殺他的老婆,再把屍塊扔進湖裡。
 
這種秘密在社會新聞或電影裡早就看過了,值得排上一小時的隊進來看嗎?你蠻後悔的。正想走出去,卻看見放在客廳的全家合照,天啊,這不是你小時候和父母的合照嗎?而且屋內的擺設真的很像你童年的家,再回頭仔細端詳那個殺妻兇手,竟是你多年前的父親,被殺的女子,當然就是你母親了,其實你母親當年根本就沒有離家出走啊!
 
知道這個秘密,讓你震驚到差點暈死過去,不過因害怕身旁的情人知道這是你父親的秘密,你裝作什麼也沒有發生。你說只是因那個秘密的殺人現場太過血腥,讓你臉色發青。
 
「那我們出去外面,在湖邊吹吹風好了。」情人說
 
「湖邊?」你想到了屍塊,「不用了,我在外面的椅子坐一坐,你先自己去參觀下一個秘密,不用陪我啦。」
 
過一會兒,情人從下一個秘密走出來,「真奇怪,這個秘密跟前一個幾乎一模一樣,只是感覺設施比那一個新,有沒有搞錯?」
 
「我進去看看。」你說。
 
從下一個秘密出來後,你恍然大悟。
 
在得知父親殺死母親之後,你不敢告訴任何人,因此這件事便成為你的秘密。前一個是父親的秘密,這一個是兒子的秘密,但這兩個秘密幾乎一模一樣,差別是,一個是舊的,一個是新的。這個主題樂園除了提供秘密,還會蒐集秘密,這次蒐集的是你的秘密。
 
但一轉身,你父親的秘密不見了,因為被你發現之後,便不算秘密了,難怪會被刪除。
 
你沒心情參觀下去了,兩人正準備離去,不知為什麼卻突然被靠近出口的一個秘密強烈吸引住。
 
「我們可不可以進去看看?」情人提議,於是你們便進入另一個秘密。
 
「天啊,竟是一個墳墓!」
 
「怎麼會這樣?」
 
墳墓裡一片漆黑,什麼也看不見,也許秘密的黑暗面就是如此,你想。
 
「我知道了,」情人說,「這個人竟然把自己的秘密帶進墳墓裡,真是保密到家了,難怪別人什麼也看不見。」
 
「我可不會做這種事,因我老是守不住秘密。」你雖這麼說,但你可不想說出你爸爸的事。
 
「是啊,親愛的,你什麼秘密都會告訴我,不是嗎?」
 
「當然,而你的秘密我也都知道。哈……。」你們相視而笑。
 
當你們走出墳墓,笑聲嘎然而止,「天啊,這是兩人合葬的墳墓,他們可真恩愛。」
 
可是定睛一看,墓碑上刻的竟是你和你秘密情人兩人的名字。
 
太可怕了,我簡直不敢相信。你卻叫我不要怕,你說剛剛那個故事是你編的,你的秘密才沒那麼恐怖,而且湖那麼美,不會有人把屍塊丟到裡頭的,還有,你的秘密情人其實不是人,而是一隻動物,牠常在湖裡出沒。
 
什麼?呃,讓我猜猜看。
 
結果你死也不說你的秘密情人是哪一個,算了,你的秘密根本是謊言。
 
告訴你一個秘密吧,其實我就是一座湖。
 
 
也許,幾年之後。
 
話說他們住在湖畔已好幾年了,可惜總學不會輕艇選手的水上優雅。
 
別說他們的壞話啦,牆壁會偷偷地哭泣哦。
 
淚水乾掉時,所有的秘密也跟著蒸發了。
 
被分割的景色悄悄地分擔著水的創傷。
 
暈眩的詩意卻也分了心。
 
一不小心踏進撒滿謊言的風景明信片裡,
你的謊言可真馬倫巴。
 
是誰的腳跟,閒置在湖泊的情愛裡?
依舊不解的是哪來這些散落一水的思念?
 
諸多水中幻覺,是否在拼貼記憶的倒影時,陳述魚的哀歌。
 
踏著浮雲,借問時光的住址,
萬一你醒來時,記得向命運眨一下眼。
 
不慎擱淺的幸福,依然伴隨著雲彩,踟躕湖中。
 
到時候他一定會回頭警告屋簷下的鄉愁,
不要再矜持下去了,當思念你的是塵土。
 
 
 
他會留下一顆青蘋果,他們卻啃不動其酸楚。
 
他們依舊找個不停,一個湖接一個湖地找下去。
 
剪去雨水的雙腿,阻止幻想出走。
 
於是,做作的氛圍即將毀去。
 
拿湖水做心靈的背景,假裝生命的純真,
 
再裝作神往空氣中下沉的嘆息聲。
 
翹家的鏡子再也塞不進多餘的虛假秘密。
 
也許他的湖畔人生,只是一首寫壞的詩。
 
故鄉的人們倏然不見蹤影,只剩下空洞的呼喚聲在湖上徘徊。
 
哪來湖的秘密?他只是隨便地哼一首歌,在結束前睡著了。
 
 
 也許,在另一個平行時空裡。
 
 
你住在一個充滿秘密的湖畔好久了,這裡老是有人神秘失蹤,包括你的母親在內。
 
你認為那些失蹤的人,只是受不了湖畔的居民,因此
不告而別,卻被誤以為是神秘失蹤,這也未免太可笑了。
 
湖畔的鄰居老喜歡故作神秘以掩飾自己的平庸,他們很討厭你,一天到晚講你的壞話,害你越想越氣,偷偷地躲在牆角哭泣。好不容易淚水才乾掉,你揉揉眼睛,看見牆壁濕濕的,太誇張了吧,這麼會哭,可是當你抬起頭來,始發現是屋頂的角落在漏水,水沿著牆壁流了下來。
 
小時候,母親常帶你到湖邊。
長大後,你還是常在湖邊流連。
因你偷偷喜歡上一個漂亮的輕艇選手,
常在湖邊看她練習,
為了接近她,後來你索性加入了輕艇隊,
可惜她喜歡的卻是另一個比你優秀的輕艇選手
 
鏡子說,完美的景色,它早已看盡。
書本說,缺憾的人生,它早已道盡。
湖泊說,謊言與祕密,它總聽不盡。
 
外面的雨下個不停,你家的屋簷下,有個思念故鄉的異鄉人,他也是在故鄉搞失蹤後,才來到湖畔,他的家人還以為他真的從人間蒸發而傷心欲絕。
 
家人知道他從小就喜歡湖,因此不知找過多少湖,依舊遍尋不著他的蹤跡。
 
下一站,怨尤,
下車時,別忘了抖一抖身上的瘡疤。
 
你說你的情敵其實是你最好的朋友,
害你恨也不是,愛也不是,
當然也有人不相信你講的話。
 
外頭異鄉人大聲哼著故鄉的老歌,你覺得蠻難聽的,便把窗戶關起來。
 
你打開冰箱,想找東西吃,可是冰箱裡只剩一顆青蘋果。你只好靜靜地吞下生命中的酸楚,在你決定永遠離開那座湖之前。
 
恭喜你成功守住了秘密,但是把秘密帶進墳墓裡的人是孤寂的。
 
How can there be so many secrets? Perhaps there are. You may have hidden the secrets in the lakes. But the lakes have their own secrets. Then different kinds of secrets will be mixed. 
 
It's okay. If you talk about your secrets in your sleep, you can say what people hear are the secrets of the lakes. They can't tell the differences.
 
You used to be a kayaker. You practiced all day long on the lakes. You became closer and closer to the lakes. You talked to the lakes about anything, so only the lakes  knew who your secret lover was. 
 
You remembered that you went to a theme park with your secret lover one day. Your happiest childhood memory was the same secret theme park tour with your father. When you were little, your mother ran away from home. Your busy working dad wasn't close to you, but he took you to the theme park when you were in primary school, and that was the precious moment of your childhood.
 
The theme park seemed bland at first glance. It consisted of several  artificial islands. A lake was surrounded by the islands. There must have been lots of secrets hiding inside the lake. The lakeside buildings were the secret hideaways.
When you stepped into the paradise which looked like an island city, you would be attracted to all kinds of secrets. Don't be surprised, all the secrets here were real. They belonged to the ordinary people around you. 
 
After all these years, most of the facilities here were renovated. Even though it was your revisit, the park was still fun. You came to a very different secret after visiting some fun ones. It was a crime scene of bloody murder and dismemberment. You simply couldn't lay your eyes on that, so you closed your eyes. It seemed to be a case of a man murdering his wife and throwing the body parts into a lake. 
 
This kind of secret had been seen in fiction or movies. Was it worth an hour's wait? You were regretful and about to leave. You saw a family photo in the living room, and it was you and your parents in the picture. The furnishings were like those in your childhood house. You took a closer look at the murderer. It was actually your father, and the murder victim was your mother, who never ran away from home back then.
 
You were shocked and almost passed out after knowing the secret. You tried to hide your father's secret by pretending nothing happened. You said the crime scene was so bloody that you looked pale. 
 
"So let's leave for the lake and enjoy the breeze." said Secret Lover. 
"The lake?" you thought of the body parts, "No, I'd rather sit in the corridor. You go and see the next secret. No need to accompany me." 
 
After a while, Secret Lover left the next secret.  "It's strange. The last two secrets are exactly the same. There must be something wrong." 
 
"I'll check it out." you said. 
 
You got out of the secret, and suddenly understood. 
 
After you found out that your dad's murdering your mom, you dared not tell anyone, so it became your secret. That was father's secret and this was son's secret. They were almost the same. The difference was that one was old, the other was new. The theme park not only provided secrets, but also collected secrets. This time it collected yours. 
 
All at once, your father's secret was gone. After being found out by you, it was no longer a secret. No wonder it was deleted. 
 
You were not in the mood for visiting and about to leave.  You wondered why suddenly you were strongly attracted by a secret near the exit. 
 
"Can we go and have a look?" Secret Lover suggested, so you got into another secret. 
 
"What? It's a grave! How can it be?" 
 
It was completely dark in here. You couldn't see anything. Maybe the dark side of a secret was like that, you thought.
 
"I know," Secret Lover said, "This guy brought his secret into the grave. The secret was well kept. No wonder we can't see anything." 
 
"I won't do that, because I can't really keep a secret." Though you said that, you didn't want to tell her your dad's secret. 
 
"Yeah, honey, you will tell me all your secrets, won't you?" 
 
"Of course, and I know all your secrets." 
 
After you got out of the grave, the laughter stopped. "Gosh, two people were buried in one grave here. They really loved each other." 
 
But when you looked closer, you saw your name and your secret lover's on the same tombstone. 
 
What happened to you was horrible. I couldn't believe it. But you told me not to be afraid. You said you made up the story. It was just fiction, written by you. Your secret wasn't that frightening. The lake was so beautiful. No one would have thrown the body parts into it. And your secret lover wasn't human. It was an animal, which was often found in the lake. 
 
What? Uh, let me guess. 
 
But you wouldn't tell me which animal your secret lover was. Forget it. Your secret was simply a lie. 
 
Tell you a secret. In fact, I am a lake. 
 
 
Perhaps a few years later.
 
They have lived by the lake for several years. It's a pity that they never learned the kayakers' elegance on the water.
 
Don't speak ill of them. The wall will weep in secret. 
 
When the tears dried up, all the secrets also evaporated. 
 
The divided scene quietly shared the trauma of water. 
 
The dizzy poetic heart was distracted. 
 
Accidentally stepped into the postcard of lies. 
Your lies were so Marienbad. 
 
Whose heels were idled in love of the lakes? 
Still puzzled by the scattered yearning on the water. 
 
Those hallucinations in the water, when you collaged the reflection of memory, did you express the lamentations of fish?
 
Tread on the clouds,  ask the address of time, 
In case you wake up, remember to wink at fate. 
 
The carelessly stranded happiness still accompanied the clouds, and lingered in the lake. 
 
He will turn his head and warn the nostalgia under the eaves then. 
Don't restrain yourself any longer, when the one thinking of you is dust only. 
 
He will leave a green apple, but they won't be able to gnaw its sourness. 
 
They keep looking for someone by the lake, one lake after another.
 
Cut off the legs of rains; keep fantasy from running away. 
 
Thus, the contrived ambience is about to perish. 
 
Let the lake be the spiritual background, and pretend to be the innocence of life. 
 
Then dissemble to be longing for the sinking sigh in the air. 
 
The redundant phony secrets can't be squeezed into the runaway mirror anymore.
 
Maybe his life by the lake is just a bad poem. 
 
The hometown people disappeared abruptly, left behind  the hollow sound of calling, wandering on the lake. 
 
Where are those secrets of the lakes from? He just randomly hummed a song, and fell asleep halfway. 
 
 
  Perhaps in a parallel universe.
 
 
You have lived by a lake full of secrets for a long time. There were people, including your mother, oddly vanished here.
 
You thought the people who vanished because they couldn't stand the neighbors and took French leave. The neighbors thought they were missing. That was ridiculous. 
 
The neighbors pretended to be mysterious for hiding their mediocrities. They hated you, and spoke ill of you a lot.  You were so angry that you cried in the corner secretly. Finally the tears dried up. You rubbed your eyes and saw that the wall was wet. You cried that much? It was too exaggerated. But when you looked up, you found that the  roof was leaking. The water ran down the wall. 
 
When you were little, your mother used to take you to the lakes. 
When you grew up, you still hung around the lakes quite often. 
Because you had a secret crush on a pretty kayaker.
You often stood by the lake and watched her practice. 
You tried to get close to her by joining the kayak team.
It was a pity that she liked another kayaker who was better than you.
The mirror said that it had seen all the perfect sceneries.
The book said that it had depicted all the regretful lives.
The lake said that it hadn't heard all the lies and secrets. 
 
It kept raining outside. There was a homesick stranger under the eaves of your house. The stranger had been found missing in his hometown before he came to the lake. His family were heartbroken because they thought he really disappeared into thin air. 
 
His family knew he had been fond of lakes since he was little. They tried to find him by searching lots of lakes, but still couldn't locate him. 
 
Next stop, Grudge. When you get off, don't forget to shake your wound.
 
You said your love rival was actually your best friend. 
You couldn't really hate him or love him.
Of course some people didn't believe what you said. 
 
The stranger hummed an old song of his hometown loudly outside. You thought it was terrible, so you closed the windows. 
 
You opened the refrigerator, and looked for something to eat, but there was only one green apple left. So you quietly swallowed the sourness of life, before you decided to leave the lake forevermore.
 
Congratulations! Your secrets have been well kept.
Lonely is the one who takes secrets to the grave.








小戴 2015-09-17 01:26:26

遊走於小說與影像、虛構口白交織寫實風景畫的《湖的秘密》電影版為2015年南方影展的競賽最終入圍作品

小戴 2015-01-26 15:55:08

謝謝小天使

新聞台Blog小天使 2015-01-26 14:59:38

親愛的台長︰
  恭喜您!此篇文章圖片極為優質,獲選為本日熱門圖片,將會出現在新聞台首頁熱門圖片區塊輪播。請您繼續保持每日撰寫文章的好習慣,期待您提供讀者更多精采的圖片,加油!