2003-05-13 06:28:34kathy
【書樂匯影】The Next Room
”Love cannot conquer everything. It can, however, endure.”
~~ 愛不能克服所有﹐但﹐它卻能持久。~~
那日從倫敦搭車回家之前﹐徘徊於滑鐵盧車站的書店內﹐眼光不經意地停駐於一本淡綠色封面的書上。隨手拿起書翻開內頁﹐衝著 Sunday Times 與 Sunday Telegraph 等英國各大報幾句令人動容的書評﹐趕在火車出發前﹐匆忙地將這本書帶回了家。
《Wrong Rooms》﹐是作者 Mark Sanderson 自身的回憶錄。
Mark 於二十九歲的那一年﹐在 Time Out 雜誌上刊登了一則尋友廣告﹐因而邂逅來自澳洲的大男孩 Drew。他們從相識進而發展情愫﹐卻在感情平步青雲﹐正準備一同開展新生活之際﹐Drew 愕然發現了身上的腫瘤。”The moment you think you have it all--lover, home, career--is the moment you start to lose it.” 經過診斷之後﹐Drew 被判定罹患皮膚癌。
在日後漫長的化療歲月中﹐Drew 必須強忍身心上無時無刻的痛楚與折磨﹐而 Mark 則得眼睜睜地看著他心愛的人的生命迅速凋零﹐卻又完全束手無策。在 Drew 生命中的最後幾天﹐貼心的朋友從超市為他們帶來微波食品充飢。Mark 禁不住地感嘆﹐”As I put the ready meals in the fridge I realised they had a longer use-by date than Drew.” 輕描淡寫卻令人心碎的一句話﹐反映著他眼底的絕望。
Drew 的病情惡化﹐也終於讓 Mark 鼓起勇氣﹐向母親坦誠他長期以來一直不敢對家人透露的同性戀傾向。畢竟﹐在身旁的摯愛正掙扎於生死邊緣之際﹐還有什麼是好在乎的﹖
Drew 走後﹐ Mark 的生活頓時失去了重心。 他痛不欲生﹐現實生活經濟上的重擔帶給他更多的壓力。Mark 心底還存有另一個不為人知的秘密~~在最後時刻﹐是他﹐親手協助男友結束了生命。雖然這是事前 Drew 希望能免於繼續忍受痛苦煎熬的乞求﹔雖然 Mark 也勉為其難地接受這請求並遵守了對愛人的承諾﹐他卻一直活在愧疚之中。Mark 最後再也無法獨自承受這秘密和自我良心上的譴責﹐而決定將他與 Drew 的故事忠實地訴諸文字﹐同時藉著回憶與寫作的過程來悼念 Drew﹐以及這段刻骨銘心的感情。
”Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”
Drew 悄悄地走入 Mark 的生命中﹐從此改變了他對生活的態度。而在 Drew 離去之後﹐Mark 又再次從他那兒尋得勇氣﹐學習誠實面對自己﹐學習放開手﹐重新愛與被愛﹐讓凌亂破碎的生活重返軌道。這﹐畢竟才是追憶逝去之愛最好的方式。
閤上書﹐腦中浮現 Henry Scott Holland 的詩句。。。
是的﹐死亡真的不算什麼﹗﹖
《Death Is Nothing At All》
By Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.
影像﹕耶魯大學 Stirling 紀念圖書館一隅﹐攝於美國康乃迪克州 New Haven 市。
~~ 愛不能克服所有﹐但﹐它卻能持久。~~
那日從倫敦搭車回家之前﹐徘徊於滑鐵盧車站的書店內﹐眼光不經意地停駐於一本淡綠色封面的書上。隨手拿起書翻開內頁﹐衝著 Sunday Times 與 Sunday Telegraph 等英國各大報幾句令人動容的書評﹐趕在火車出發前﹐匆忙地將這本書帶回了家。
《Wrong Rooms》﹐是作者 Mark Sanderson 自身的回憶錄。
Mark 於二十九歲的那一年﹐在 Time Out 雜誌上刊登了一則尋友廣告﹐因而邂逅來自澳洲的大男孩 Drew。他們從相識進而發展情愫﹐卻在感情平步青雲﹐正準備一同開展新生活之際﹐Drew 愕然發現了身上的腫瘤。”The moment you think you have it all--lover, home, career--is the moment you start to lose it.” 經過診斷之後﹐Drew 被判定罹患皮膚癌。
在日後漫長的化療歲月中﹐Drew 必須強忍身心上無時無刻的痛楚與折磨﹐而 Mark 則得眼睜睜地看著他心愛的人的生命迅速凋零﹐卻又完全束手無策。在 Drew 生命中的最後幾天﹐貼心的朋友從超市為他們帶來微波食品充飢。Mark 禁不住地感嘆﹐”As I put the ready meals in the fridge I realised they had a longer use-by date than Drew.” 輕描淡寫卻令人心碎的一句話﹐反映著他眼底的絕望。
Drew 的病情惡化﹐也終於讓 Mark 鼓起勇氣﹐向母親坦誠他長期以來一直不敢對家人透露的同性戀傾向。畢竟﹐在身旁的摯愛正掙扎於生死邊緣之際﹐還有什麼是好在乎的﹖
Drew 走後﹐ Mark 的生活頓時失去了重心。 他痛不欲生﹐現實生活經濟上的重擔帶給他更多的壓力。Mark 心底還存有另一個不為人知的秘密~~在最後時刻﹐是他﹐親手協助男友結束了生命。雖然這是事前 Drew 希望能免於繼續忍受痛苦煎熬的乞求﹔雖然 Mark 也勉為其難地接受這請求並遵守了對愛人的承諾﹐他卻一直活在愧疚之中。Mark 最後再也無法獨自承受這秘密和自我良心上的譴責﹐而決定將他與 Drew 的故事忠實地訴諸文字﹐同時藉著回憶與寫作的過程來悼念 Drew﹐以及這段刻骨銘心的感情。
”Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.”
Drew 悄悄地走入 Mark 的生命中﹐從此改變了他對生活的態度。而在 Drew 離去之後﹐Mark 又再次從他那兒尋得勇氣﹐學習誠實面對自己﹐學習放開手﹐重新愛與被愛﹐讓凌亂破碎的生活重返軌道。這﹐畢竟才是追憶逝去之愛最好的方式。
閤上書﹐腦中浮現 Henry Scott Holland 的詩句。。。
是的﹐死亡真的不算什麼﹗﹖
《Death Is Nothing At All》
By Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.
All is well.
影像﹕耶魯大學 Stirling 紀念圖書館一隅﹐攝於美國康乃迪克州 New Haven 市。