After nearly three year's absence, finally I scheduled a 10-day visit to Taiwan. It must have been the largest gap on time scale, inbetween last and recent visit; these are all due to the VISA battle with the UK Home Office. Particularly, since the permanent residency granted, a job offer falls onto my hands and so I went for the interview, temporary work on contract, second-gate interview, then permanent job offer.  

The job aspect had been kept as an omission in the regular reports to my parents. As I constantly wait for the next reaffirmation, identical attitude towards my Doctor degree. When my external/internal examiners gave me a permission to hard-bound, I didn't allow myself to hype to the excitement. After I received the permanent residency visa from the UK government and later secured a permanent job within oil & gas industry, I still feel surreal, unsettled, only because I still wish to receive a supportive nods from my family.    

I had been away for more than 10 years; I have changed so much mentally and emotionally that my parents wouldn't be able to acquainted with. I know this. Just to look back how my parents reacted three years back to my decision of breaking up with Dannie, the parents-approved, recognised good man to pass my hands and life to.  They felt I changed so much, unrecognisable, becoming too independent and they wished that was just a phase. However, proud and head-shakingly, I know I am developing myself into a stronger person. Maybe in terms of both the dependency to the family and traditional family obligations I might have loose attachment. But this makes me who I am, apart from still being a single intertwined network of family.  

This 10-day visit I draw an overlapping period of calender as planned to cover the 10-day of my grandpa's staying. Every month from 11th to 20th, he will stay at my parents' place; during that 10-day period, my brother Will and sis-by-marriage Grace are visiting home on the weekend. To conclude, which dates are better than these golden days?

I talked with my brother and Grace, as I respect them as my dearly adults family and Will is incredibly mature, thoughtful and insightful. Adding to the family values that he truly believes and upholds, Will also thinks from my perspective and advises me how to approach my possessive/loving parents.

Upon my arrival, the first dinner occasion, I was put already on the spotlight by my mother, having to unfold the news rightaway. The original sensible and timeline are bumped off. I wanted to break the news with a less emotional, more sensible attitude; I ended up pulled into their perspective, and felt exhausted by the end. When I called it a day and returned to my room with the door closed, curtain drawn, the hopeless regrets arise: why was I explaining myself out there? This is my life. What I am offered in Britain is to work in oil & gas industries; what my loving/possessive parents can offer is only a prospective of being a contracted English teacher in a private high school.

That for sure is not what I want. If I was a Master degree graduate, years back, I might consider it a stable life secured. As who I am now, it is just too easy life for me. It doesn't mean that I desired for adventures or risks. It simply is like sending my brain into a retirement home. 

Inspired by several experienced old friends/professors, to be a teacher is my last resource. That is it. I cockily reckon that I could do very well without much effort in that kind of job; why I have to secure a space right now?! I am not super young, what I have is the doctorate degree and academic experience, but also the courageous young mind, wanting to try new things. 

Having seen so many Asian graduates fail to find a job in Aberdeen, I feel very honoured and proud about my experience with this company now. I understand this job doesn't give me greatly high pay, neither is this job capable to afford my old financially carefree life style, this is the first full-time permanent job in Britain, and I know my capability, my profession and my competence are honourly appreciated. 

Where I am heading to is unknown, I might leave one day when there is an open position at university in Aberdeen. But I definitely want to give the company the best of me and to take the best of this experience fully. 

What my parents are offering is not better choice, in terms of career, life and marriage, the choice proposed here for me is only a few steps backward. If I have challenged myself, gone through so many tough time in PhD, with the city council and UK Home Office, to force me back to an obedient traditional lady is just a suicide mission. 

Now I look down on those who are eager to praise how good, how refine, how thoughtful of me being a daughter of my parents. As much as I adore and appreciate the Chinese culture, that particular angle (about obligation, duty and obedience) only acts as a invisible chain killing people's mind of will and smashing people's dream. I recollected three years back there was a daughter-in-law in this neighbourhood committed suicide, leaving everyone surrounding her in unknown astonishment. She was so good, very thoughtful, wherever she went, everyone complimented about her well-manner to her mother-in-law. Did anyone notice she was depressed for quite a long while before this incident happened? No... People were just left wondering now that she did this silly suicide. 

It would be ideal if I will get the emotional support from my parents. But if they forbid me to pursue this, I will still do what I think its best for my life. 

This is my life.