Dear Dex,

I hope you didn’t feel pain when you went to forever sleep.  Looking at your photos makes me extremely sad.  I’m so so sorry I couldn’t save you.  You didn’t have to die. 

In your short life of 4-5 years or longer I suspected based on your white speckled appearance, you probably didn’t know what it felt like to be loved deeply by someone.  I know your previous owner wasn’t kind to you.  He left and abandoned you.  His landlord who is a board member of this shelter said she discovered a dog body with the throat torn apart.  You probably did that.  But nobody knew what the circumstances were.   

You were in the outdoor run with Ceres at the shelter for a while and never acted aggressive towards her.  They chose to ignore that fact but remember the incident where you were likely the culprit to kill your resident female companion.  I can imagine you being chained up, never going inside a house, never loved.  You had scars on your head and body, and calluses on your elbows to show for it.  As far as I’m concerned, your previous owner was responsible for your action.  He didn’t protect you or the other dog.  I sometimes wonder if he was the one encouraging it.

I never liked pitbulls in the past but you and Ceres taught me not to judge a book by its cover.  I will always blame myself for not walking you for a month.  If I had walked you continuously, maybe you wouldn’t get too bored and stressed out at the shelter.  Perhaps your attacks on Bernie could have been avoided.  Or if the volunteers would have been careful, you or Bernie wouldn’t have had the opportunity to get out.

I miss you.  In my mind, you were a good boy even though you pulled a lot during walks and your strength caused me to fall down a couple of times.  You did listen.  When I stopped and called you, you would come back to me.  Those memories will stay with me for the rest of my life.  I hope they were happy memories for you too.

I never thought I would feel so attached to you.  After all, you were not an easy dog to love.  You were like a diamond in the rough, waiting for that special someone to come and take you away to safety and loving environment.  Several months at the shelter and all your life, that never happened.  It’s not because there was no such special someone out there, I know he or she existed.  It’s just that before you guys could meet, you ran out of time and that’s not your fault.  People at the shelter were supposed to protect you and look out for your best interest but we failed you miserably.

I know you won’t hold grudges against those wronged you but I can’t promise the same.  I don’t think I can forgive those who made this decision, at least not for a long while.  Did they not see the same dog a couple of other volunteers and I saw?  All you needed was guidance, love and someone who was willing to understand you and help you reach your potential.  You weren’t given a fair chance.    

What is it like to be at the other end of Rainbow Bridge?  Free from this cold weather, loneliness in the shelter kennel, I guess.  Dex, you were a good dog.  If you can hear us from above, don’t believe what others say because they are wrong.  If God permits animals in heaven, I truly hope I will see you one day.  I miss your happy and smiling face.

Good-bye, Dex!

Love,

Your walking companion