今年的生日，是我二字頭的最後一個生日了。

當我還是一個十三歲的小女生的時候，曾經對自己說過：我不要活得太久，三十歲就夠了。

我也還記得自己那個單純的夢想：一棟小小的房子或公寓，裡面有我、我愛的男人跟至少一隻的狗。

而我也並沒有忘記自己最深的恐懼：我絕對絕對不要成為一個母親…

看著二十九歲的自己，我真的很懷疑，這個人在過著誰的人生啊?為什麼我真心盼望的，還是很遙遠？而我所擁有的，到底又是一些什麼呢？

幸福還在很遠的地方嗎？

不過我至少可以稍稍安慰自己，總算還守住了部分當初對自己的承諾：我養了一隻狗，這世界上也還沒有任何一個小孩會叫我媽。

人生如寄，本來說的是，如果跟永恆的自然相比，人類短暫的生命不過只是天地裡匆促的過客，我們只是借住在這一身肉體裡；可是現在的我，卻覺得自己是個寄住在別人生活裡的房客，日復一日地過著別人的生活，消耗掉自己的生命。

Life for rent，租來的生活、租來的生命。

Dido 的歌聲一遍又一遍地唱著： Nothing I have is truly mine …

Dido / Life For Rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize that once again I'm not in love
But it's not as if I mind
that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought, only a thought

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live my life more simply
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Cause there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought, only a thought

If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cause nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...