朋友轉寄一封網路上流傳的 PowerPoint “千風之歌”。

歌是日本一位歌手根據英詩翻譯而寫的。原詩配上歌曲，讀來十分感人。

但看了中譯，美則美矣，不免有些隔閡，未獲我心。

於是提筆重譯。

原詩如下：

Do not stand at my grave and weep   ── by Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004)

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in the circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there; I did not die.

Joe譯：

不要站在我墳前哭泣

不要站在我墳前哭泣

我不在那兒；也並未睡去

我是吹拂而過的萬縷風情

我是覆雪上閃爍的晶瑩

我是成熟穀子上的陽光

我是溫馨撩人的秋雨

當你在早晨的寧靜中甦醒

我是迅疾飛揚的匆匆

從群鳥默默盤旋的空中

我是夜晚柔和的星光

不要站在我墳前哭泣

我不在那兒；也並未死亡

…………………………………………………………

詩中a thousand winds 讓我想到 If 這首歌詞的開頭

If a picture paints a thousand words,
then why can't I paint you?
The words would never show,
the you I've come to know . . .

因此 a thousand winds 有了 a thousand words 的意蘊

另外想到陸游的詩：

梅花絕句──陸游(陸放翁)

聞道梅花坼曉風，雪堆遍滿四山中。
何方可化身千億，一樹梅花一放翁。

…………………………………………………

後來 Mary Elizabeth Frye 又重新改寫如下：

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am in a thousand winds that blow,

I am the softly falling snow.

I am the gentle showers of rain,

I am the fields of ripening grain.

I am in the morning hush,

I am in the graceful rush

Of beautiful birds in circling flight,

I am the starshine of the night.

I am in the flowers that bloom,

I am in a quiet room.

I am in the birds that sing,

I am in each lovely thing.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there. I do not die.

全詩似乎照顧得更平均

但詩被稀釋，詩意消失了。

原詩的高潮

When you awaken in the morning hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in the circling flight.

被淡化、抹平，

少了激情，變成四平八穩的平庸之作。

P. S.

日文歌詞是比照改寫後的詩文譯作，由於配上旋律，加上對偶和疊句式的翻譯效應，蠻有動人之處。日語 “千之風” 一詞，本身便有十足詩的想像和感染力。