無宣稱辯護
像是誇張的舞台劇,或是蔡明亮的電影場景。
那是很久很久以前的一段夢境。
因為最近睡得很不安穩,才又想起。
兩次在夢中驚醒,不知道是踢了被子的關係,或是恰巧又夢見了他在靠近。
我不習慣,也不了解,因為就算是在最痛苦的那段日子裡,我也不曾如此懦弱得讓自己也看輕自己。
我責怪過這個太小的城市,就在那次之後。
一個非常平凡的週間日,一場陪同的飯局,一間朋友選的餐廳,以及一次不經意的轉身。
即使顫抖,也要顯得若無其事,因為桌上正輕聲吆喝著「かんぱい」,我也該要開心的舉杯,微笑。
我懷念的那些面孔,在咫尺之外,而我卻只能用目光仔細地將每一張臉刻印在心裡面。沒有這麼幸運的下次了,是那樣的心情。
其實是感謝上帝的,聽見我卑微卻熱烈的小小聲響,我做過承諾,也願意堅守,所以我換得這僅僅幾分鐘的珍惜感受,即使最後一刻和他眼神交錯,我也壓下了澎湃的表情,只是不著痕跡地點點頭,讓他跟上他們離去的腳步。
在那個很龐大的親情體系之外,很明顯的我是另一桌餐宴的角色,但我卻沒有感到些許遺憾。
有些昇華的情愫,與其一廂情願的解釋,我寧願默默地藏在時光的角落,在某些宣稱之下成為只有我自己知道的辯護律師。
或許是那寂寞的狡言者,最近想駁斥些什麼吧。
我不怪他吵醒我的好眠,只因那是他遲早的自覺,無論是覺得自己委屈,或是覺得又有滿腔熱血。
我重新蓋好被,再次哄他入睡。
yo man...oh is lady~
hey! you still are a fair and pretty lady,
so why not just find your own way out of
that fucking stuff...you knew that, i just
knew!!!
so...keep going, and go straight toward the
most bright, happy and possitive side that
inside your heart, your soul...
i think the choice of the test that you`ll
be tested in taipei is somehow makes me
realize what i want the most; and maybe i
can do it well, and make my dream come true!
though it`s an old sentence, still fasinate me very much...
well then...that`s fight together and get
what we want desperately. i think we can do it and we can conquer the difficulties and
concentrate on wether we put ourself in.
therefore, be happy, be possitive and
be my proud sis!
Never give up what you`ve been fighting for life. Your sister is right..always remember to be positive even when this world is not so perfect sometimes.
Cheer up ^-^