2004-01-04 00:01:16UnWanted
Please love me, don''t use me; pudding, Harvard (I)
Jan. 04, 2004 from 07:00—20:00; not finished yet. Shall resume in next few days
__________________Please love me, don't use me__________________
My luck is not fairy good by far.
I always hope that there is a cute guy come up to me to have some strong relationship bond. However, the first guy I met here used me to solve his temporary loneliness after his ex-GF ended a 7 year long relationship. When I was screaming ' HELP' silently by having a post of 'MIT Brainy ISO Brainy', a Harvard came to me to chat about him and me. We met long time before when he read another piece 'May I ask what you guys are doing?' He said he wanted to meet me because he thought he needed some fun conversations with me. After we first met, I instantly felt that he is too good for me. He would not be interested in me. I told my friend right that day that I felt about him that way. This Harvard is probably the smartest guy I ever met in this country this time. I know he is smart not because he has a BS from Harvard, but from his talks. He is smarter than my SF MIT friend. Anyway, when we met at the 2nd time, he asked about my SF MIT and then he told me that he would like to volunteer to be my next man. I was fairy surprised, and I thought he was joking. I asked him what he needs a girlfriend for. He hesitated and said that for eating out and watching movies. By the time, I was fairly sure that he is on my top ten smartest guys I've ever met in my life. I'm lucky enough to meet many smart guys, it's fairy easy for me to tell if a guy is smart or not. His responding reaction is very quick. If we common guys are 386 or 486, this Harvard is like Pentium IV. Not only that, he also has some other admirable traits. He belongs to the 'I want it, then I'll get it' club. He left to China to learn martial arts for a year after his freshman year. And there he learned Mandarin. His Mandarin is almost at the same level as my English. He can use his Mandarin to make a good argument with me after he left China for 9 years. Not only that, but also he didn't work as a regular software engineer after he left his school. He worked for a stock company which had 2 other people when he joined in. Few years later, he left when the company expanded to 22 people. And he came to here to start from scratch. The reason for me to like 'Sex and City' is not because of the sex scenes, but the power games. I didn't like to watch it for years when it was on air in Taipei till one day I was too bored that I started to finish a complete episode. Then once I sat down to watch, I figured out that was not aiming at sex at all, it was more like a power gaining war among figures. The reason for me to like Samantha is I like her 'I want it, then I'll get it.' attitude. I adore her very much. I like to watch films with strong female characters out of my compensation psychology. I always admire people who can set goals for themselves and achieve their goals and work on what resources they've got in hands. I feel I'm kind of weak at this point in my life and I'm strongly attracted to people who can build things in their lives. But I think those people would just attract me no matter what life status I am at. I know I'm not that type of person to fall in love at first sight, but I'm sure that I would fall in love with people like my national father at first sight. Anyway, I just want to say that I have a very good impression about the Harvard guy. He is smart, and he is determined to achieve what ever he wants.
But anyway, I thought that I was weak and not smart or good enough for this Harvard, so I just couldn't believe that he was not joking. And he didn't pass any signals in the way that I could understand. He said that my posts were entertaining. Then I thought: 'Sure, my specialty.' Other than that, he didn't do anything else. He didn't try to walk close to me or hold my hands or propose to do some other activities next time. He did propose to go somewhere else to have a drink after the meal. But I'm an extremely practical woman, I didn't take it as an excuse that he wanted to stay with me longer. I told him that I was full and I didn't want to go other place just for a drink, besides, it was late, it was not easy to find another place to drink or even we did find some place to drink, the place might be much nosier than the restaurant we were at. I told him that if he wanted to chat, it might be a better idea to stay in the restaurant. He said that was a good suggestion, and then he decided to leave and take me home. And just at the door when we got my home, I think he proposed the same Q again. And then I thought that was ridiculous. So I said I didn't know, I needed to breath and take a walk. So I walked out his car. He said he was a virgin and I was a virgin killer. I told him that I only want man with at least 3 girlfriends. I had too much enough for my first 2 men. But since he is the smartest guy I've met this time in this country, so I thought for few seconds, I decided that it is OK for me to take him. An then I asked him to take a walk with me, I said I could show him how to make girlfriend. But few steps afterwards, he told me he felt very uncomfortable to not be in his car. So we went back to his car. Then he said he wanted to see me in flesh. I said not in the car, not this time. I wanted to go home. So we went home few minutes later. And the next two days, I tried to call him to get him out to meet. Then we met. Then he tried to take me to a motel to remove my clothes. He works day and night and has someone else in his place. So he didn't want to take me to his place. And after 1 to 2 hours trial, he figured out that I did not want to be naked with him, he got up to take a shower and took me back. On the way out of the motel, he was angry at me and asked me if I felt shame to go with a man to a motel. He wished me to stay there for whole night alone, and so no body would notice that he came and left. He thought that we two went there for only two hours would be easily to be explained that we had set there. And I said: 'It is your idea to be here. I didn't want to come at all, I told you that we should go to public area such as the streets to walk around and talk, but you didn't want to go. Why should I feel ashamed?' And the manager came and found his watch that he forgot there. Then we left. On the way back, he coursed at least 6 times. And he asked me that if he had stayed longer, would I be naked with him or not. I said NO. He was too focused on his first explore on his own body, he didn't want to spend time with me to hold hands and walk. And anyway, since he coursed, I knew that he was very frustrated, so when I went home, I wrote him apologizes. I tried to call him many times, he didn't pick up the call till the 5th time, and then we chatted for half and hour, then he asked that he read my 'Ten reason for you to choose me', he wanted to know that if was his chest hair made me not want to be naked with him. I made a huge mistake that I would only know later on. I laughed again as what I did when we were at the motel. He asked me to not laugh at him and told me that I was very unfriendly at the time. I told him definitely not the cause. Then he was angry again and he hang on the phone. So I tired to write him back to tell him that he is the smartest guy I met this time, so the chest hair rule doesn't apply on him. I continued to write and write and write. He was probably the first guy made me to write very pornographic messages to him, such as: 'want to be naked?'. I also called him to leave messages on his answering machine. But he didn't return my call at all. One day before Thanksgiving he wrote to me that he would be out for a business trip, and he would be back to get back to me later. But, never, never a single word after that mail. In spite of all kind of inviting messages in either sound form or in written form, he just never returned my calls. And few weeks later, I started to worry that if he was safe or not.
And then once I figured out that he meant to ignore my calls. I felt so sad and told my friend who we known each other for 5 years in Illinois. Then he thought for a day, and then told me that I should consider the price I must pay for him. My friend is also a SAT 99 equivalent in my country. He went to NTU law school and then decided that he likes Economics more, so he transferred with high score. And he is studying mathematics because he likes it. He is also a good model in terms of achieving his own goals. So, I was not joking when I said I can tell who are smart guys. I met so many, I know them when I meet them just like a professional house wife can tell what fruits and vegetables are the best buy in a supermarket.
Anyway, he reminded me two very good points:
Point1:
Yes, the Harvard is a very adorable man, but since we didn't start to involve to each other's lives. So we would never know if it would be good to be with him. Besides, he is a successful Harvard. I might not be able to afford him in my life. I might have to pay a high price that I might not be able to balance the cost.
When I told about my SF MIT to another MIT friend, he also questioned me the same Q. He said MITs are known for high maintenance. He recommended me to be off him.
That reminded me of another smart guy I met in Taipei. He was 38 when I met him. He would do the square root calculation in taxies when he is bored. He also likes to tear apart the radicals of a character to make new meaning out of it. He is also a heavy reader as my SF MIT. He read extensively and self-studied French. He knows quite a few Chinese classical. Sure, he is also a NTU alumni. When I met him, he worked in Hsin Chu, and he would like to come back to Taipei to see me during the weekends. He worked for a big chip firm as the captain of the factory. And although I knew he liked me a lot, I dared not to do anything with him. I thought my social status was too weak for him. Besides, it seems that all smart guys I like were extremely shy to do any obvious approach to me. They past subtle signals that I could also explain that they just wanted to be friends with me and no more.
Point2:
Since he knew that I've been looking for boyfriends for years. He questioned that if I really need to reserve myself till I find the most ideal mate and I might become too old for any possible desirable mates.
But my problem is I am completely spoiled. I'd rather be alone than with common regular dull guys. I'm a good responder type rather than an initiative type person. If I can choose one element from hydrogen and oxygen to describe myself, I'm pretty much of oxygen than hydrogen. It's fairy hard for me to generate heat and energy by myself alone and it's fairy easy for me to help the others to generate heat and energy and I also quite enjoy playing that role. And I need fire. I can not feel satisfied to be with oxygen or other Ar. alike substance.
(Due to the site limitation, please read on (II))
__________________Please love me, don't use me__________________
My luck is not fairy good by far.
I always hope that there is a cute guy come up to me to have some strong relationship bond. However, the first guy I met here used me to solve his temporary loneliness after his ex-GF ended a 7 year long relationship. When I was screaming ' HELP' silently by having a post of 'MIT Brainy ISO Brainy', a Harvard came to me to chat about him and me. We met long time before when he read another piece 'May I ask what you guys are doing?' He said he wanted to meet me because he thought he needed some fun conversations with me. After we first met, I instantly felt that he is too good for me. He would not be interested in me. I told my friend right that day that I felt about him that way. This Harvard is probably the smartest guy I ever met in this country this time. I know he is smart not because he has a BS from Harvard, but from his talks. He is smarter than my SF MIT friend. Anyway, when we met at the 2nd time, he asked about my SF MIT and then he told me that he would like to volunteer to be my next man. I was fairy surprised, and I thought he was joking. I asked him what he needs a girlfriend for. He hesitated and said that for eating out and watching movies. By the time, I was fairly sure that he is on my top ten smartest guys I've ever met in my life. I'm lucky enough to meet many smart guys, it's fairy easy for me to tell if a guy is smart or not. His responding reaction is very quick. If we common guys are 386 or 486, this Harvard is like Pentium IV. Not only that, he also has some other admirable traits. He belongs to the 'I want it, then I'll get it' club. He left to China to learn martial arts for a year after his freshman year. And there he learned Mandarin. His Mandarin is almost at the same level as my English. He can use his Mandarin to make a good argument with me after he left China for 9 years. Not only that, but also he didn't work as a regular software engineer after he left his school. He worked for a stock company which had 2 other people when he joined in. Few years later, he left when the company expanded to 22 people. And he came to here to start from scratch. The reason for me to like 'Sex and City' is not because of the sex scenes, but the power games. I didn't like to watch it for years when it was on air in Taipei till one day I was too bored that I started to finish a complete episode. Then once I sat down to watch, I figured out that was not aiming at sex at all, it was more like a power gaining war among figures. The reason for me to like Samantha is I like her 'I want it, then I'll get it.' attitude. I adore her very much. I like to watch films with strong female characters out of my compensation psychology. I always admire people who can set goals for themselves and achieve their goals and work on what resources they've got in hands. I feel I'm kind of weak at this point in my life and I'm strongly attracted to people who can build things in their lives. But I think those people would just attract me no matter what life status I am at. I know I'm not that type of person to fall in love at first sight, but I'm sure that I would fall in love with people like my national father at first sight. Anyway, I just want to say that I have a very good impression about the Harvard guy. He is smart, and he is determined to achieve what ever he wants.
But anyway, I thought that I was weak and not smart or good enough for this Harvard, so I just couldn't believe that he was not joking. And he didn't pass any signals in the way that I could understand. He said that my posts were entertaining. Then I thought: 'Sure, my specialty.' Other than that, he didn't do anything else. He didn't try to walk close to me or hold my hands or propose to do some other activities next time. He did propose to go somewhere else to have a drink after the meal. But I'm an extremely practical woman, I didn't take it as an excuse that he wanted to stay with me longer. I told him that I was full and I didn't want to go other place just for a drink, besides, it was late, it was not easy to find another place to drink or even we did find some place to drink, the place might be much nosier than the restaurant we were at. I told him that if he wanted to chat, it might be a better idea to stay in the restaurant. He said that was a good suggestion, and then he decided to leave and take me home. And just at the door when we got my home, I think he proposed the same Q again. And then I thought that was ridiculous. So I said I didn't know, I needed to breath and take a walk. So I walked out his car. He said he was a virgin and I was a virgin killer. I told him that I only want man with at least 3 girlfriends. I had too much enough for my first 2 men. But since he is the smartest guy I've met this time in this country, so I thought for few seconds, I decided that it is OK for me to take him. An then I asked him to take a walk with me, I said I could show him how to make girlfriend. But few steps afterwards, he told me he felt very uncomfortable to not be in his car. So we went back to his car. Then he said he wanted to see me in flesh. I said not in the car, not this time. I wanted to go home. So we went home few minutes later. And the next two days, I tried to call him to get him out to meet. Then we met. Then he tried to take me to a motel to remove my clothes. He works day and night and has someone else in his place. So he didn't want to take me to his place. And after 1 to 2 hours trial, he figured out that I did not want to be naked with him, he got up to take a shower and took me back. On the way out of the motel, he was angry at me and asked me if I felt shame to go with a man to a motel. He wished me to stay there for whole night alone, and so no body would notice that he came and left. He thought that we two went there for only two hours would be easily to be explained that we had set there. And I said: 'It is your idea to be here. I didn't want to come at all, I told you that we should go to public area such as the streets to walk around and talk, but you didn't want to go. Why should I feel ashamed?' And the manager came and found his watch that he forgot there. Then we left. On the way back, he coursed at least 6 times. And he asked me that if he had stayed longer, would I be naked with him or not. I said NO. He was too focused on his first explore on his own body, he didn't want to spend time with me to hold hands and walk. And anyway, since he coursed, I knew that he was very frustrated, so when I went home, I wrote him apologizes. I tried to call him many times, he didn't pick up the call till the 5th time, and then we chatted for half and hour, then he asked that he read my 'Ten reason for you to choose me', he wanted to know that if was his chest hair made me not want to be naked with him. I made a huge mistake that I would only know later on. I laughed again as what I did when we were at the motel. He asked me to not laugh at him and told me that I was very unfriendly at the time. I told him definitely not the cause. Then he was angry again and he hang on the phone. So I tired to write him back to tell him that he is the smartest guy I met this time, so the chest hair rule doesn't apply on him. I continued to write and write and write. He was probably the first guy made me to write very pornographic messages to him, such as: 'want to be naked?'. I also called him to leave messages on his answering machine. But he didn't return my call at all. One day before Thanksgiving he wrote to me that he would be out for a business trip, and he would be back to get back to me later. But, never, never a single word after that mail. In spite of all kind of inviting messages in either sound form or in written form, he just never returned my calls. And few weeks later, I started to worry that if he was safe or not.
And then once I figured out that he meant to ignore my calls. I felt so sad and told my friend who we known each other for 5 years in Illinois. Then he thought for a day, and then told me that I should consider the price I must pay for him. My friend is also a SAT 99 equivalent in my country. He went to NTU law school and then decided that he likes Economics more, so he transferred with high score. And he is studying mathematics because he likes it. He is also a good model in terms of achieving his own goals. So, I was not joking when I said I can tell who are smart guys. I met so many, I know them when I meet them just like a professional house wife can tell what fruits and vegetables are the best buy in a supermarket.
Anyway, he reminded me two very good points:
Point1:
Yes, the Harvard is a very adorable man, but since we didn't start to involve to each other's lives. So we would never know if it would be good to be with him. Besides, he is a successful Harvard. I might not be able to afford him in my life. I might have to pay a high price that I might not be able to balance the cost.
When I told about my SF MIT to another MIT friend, he also questioned me the same Q. He said MITs are known for high maintenance. He recommended me to be off him.
That reminded me of another smart guy I met in Taipei. He was 38 when I met him. He would do the square root calculation in taxies when he is bored. He also likes to tear apart the radicals of a character to make new meaning out of it. He is also a heavy reader as my SF MIT. He read extensively and self-studied French. He knows quite a few Chinese classical. Sure, he is also a NTU alumni. When I met him, he worked in Hsin Chu, and he would like to come back to Taipei to see me during the weekends. He worked for a big chip firm as the captain of the factory. And although I knew he liked me a lot, I dared not to do anything with him. I thought my social status was too weak for him. Besides, it seems that all smart guys I like were extremely shy to do any obvious approach to me. They past subtle signals that I could also explain that they just wanted to be friends with me and no more.
Point2:
Since he knew that I've been looking for boyfriends for years. He questioned that if I really need to reserve myself till I find the most ideal mate and I might become too old for any possible desirable mates.
But my problem is I am completely spoiled. I'd rather be alone than with common regular dull guys. I'm a good responder type rather than an initiative type person. If I can choose one element from hydrogen and oxygen to describe myself, I'm pretty much of oxygen than hydrogen. It's fairy hard for me to generate heat and energy by myself alone and it's fairy easy for me to help the others to generate heat and energy and I also quite enjoy playing that role. And I need fire. I can not feel satisfied to be with oxygen or other Ar. alike substance.
(Due to the site limitation, please read on (II))