最近網路流傳一篇柯裕棻的「獨語」
http://www.netandbooks.com/taipei/magazine/alone/content6.html
文中描述由異國留學生轉進高等教育從事教學
那種從既巨大又渺小的孤獨重新返入社會網絡
明明是黑洞卻演成太陽的心情
我看了感觸良多
而他提到在必須溫暖之後的疲累
使他不禁懷念某個冬日黃昏徐行雪地的獨然
竟然自己也是如此

婚後生活歷經初期的磨合
確實漸入佳境
而第二年的教學
也在經驗中累積自信
但那曾經單純無語的生活記憶卻不時造訪
無聲自在的孤獨竟成了我的鄉愁

那年生日
好友送我的NET T恤
我依然保留亦不時穿上
上頭的文字Being single is the best, but everyone wants to fall in love.
好像在嘲笑人鐵齒的愚蠢與永不滿足的渴望

有時懷疑自己是否為賦新詞強說愁
因為自己確實擁有許多
從現實角度或社會價值言
也比大多數人還接近夢想
但也許血液裡總流動著無法停止的擾動...
我想
也許我該繞路
也許我該放假流浪去~

ps.
柯裕棻文章前部讓我想起美國詩人Robert Frost (1874–1963)
The Road Not Taken中的旅人意像

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.