These two days we had a missionary couple from Africa for 18 years to share message with us in the church. I love them. Truly. They’re just so normal like you and me, but I can sense the truth of God in their lives and in their messages. That’s what I am looking for -to live the life as bible says, as the early church did. By the way, after 18 years in four countries in Africa, with wars, the wife still looks so pretty, gorgeous, and when she spoke the word of Lord, she was so powerful.

I started to like them after the wife started her message with the funny sharing. She said that by being a missionary for 18 years, sometimes people came to her for "spiritual advice" before they went on to the missionary field. They were hoping that it would be some sort of spiritual thing, but the truth was that, number one rule at missionary field is not spiritual at all. It’s to be able to find where the toilet is in local language!! When they first went on to the missionary field, there was no red carpet, no band at the airport to welcome them. It’s just themselves, two kids, and a government who was not welcoming them – “we don’t need more churches here”. But God’s first name, middle name, and last names are all "Faithful". God did do lots miracles there during the 18 years. However before she could be used or see those signs and wonders, she had to learn how to live there practically. First year, she spent 6 hours a day at kitchen, just learning how to make foods for the family in Africa (you don’t want to know all the details about kitchens in Africa). They spent lots time learning new languages but still understood very little. Her kitchen became her most intimate place with God.... She asked God a lot – “what am I here for?” “You sent me here but they didn’t like woman to preach in Africa, which is the only thing I know how to do. Why?” No sign for glory was seen at all, and it was even a difficult year for their marriage. After 18 years though, they successfully planted five churches in four countries as God told them. The vision is 1000 churches.

I could relate to her cries in her kitchen very easily. I asked the questions many times, what am I here doing? I’m trying my best to follow your words but I only saw lots failures in life, struggles, ugly self... I wish I could be just a little bit braver to evangelize to my friends, than asking just simple yes or no question "do you want to come to church sometime?", with 99% no as answer so far. Do all these mean anything if I just die tomorrow?

I thank God for sending her to me this weekend. Free my spirit and free my mind. I saw a picture during the worship today. A white silk cloth went through a circle, like the symbol for the ring, with the meaning of commitment, but definitely not the diamond ring. The design of the ring is very simple and seems to have a square inside it. At one side of the ring, the cloth had some dark spots here and there which were like my mistakes or my scars in life. Not pretty. It’s like that you use the handkerchief to wipe a boy’s knee after he fell and bleeding. That side of the cloth feels like that handkerchief. At the other side of the ring, the cloth turns so beautifully, like a lady’s scarves with beautiful flowers on it. In the spirit somehow I knew the ring is the commitment I made with God and two sides of the ring is my life. Nothing I went through was in vain. Nothing. He would make everything together into another picture once I submit to Him and surrender. I don’t know how but I felt the beauty.

I thank God for another day that I am breathing, for this soul and this life was brought back by Him. Lord help me to lean on you for every step I take.