I have decided to write to you because I'm not good with my prayers yet. And I have so many things troubling me lately, that I want to formally write to you, keep a record of this conversation so later on I can look back and reflect.

Dear God, I have been stressing out so much lately. In all truth, I don't like people, I don't like most people, and I don't like situations where I have to deal with them. Dealing with people and situations where I'm required to problem solve, convince or console people gives me an immense amount of stress. I can only do it on my good days, on my bad days where I'm already feeling stressed, it drains my energy and propels me to malfunction. However this stress source is impossible to avoid in my line of work, so I have to somehow change myself to adapt.

I ask myself, why don't I like people, why don't like human interactions. Is it because of my neglected childhood, or this loneliness, this saddistically preferred loneliness that I have become so used to, anything else just makes me uncomfortable?

God, I am scarred and I'm foolish, I know what I want to become. Trustworthy of people, responsible, open minded, warm, always laughing, I want these attributes that bring joy in life and to others, but I'm so blind I don't know how to get there. Now I have you I feel less lonely, but times like this I pray that you give me strength to deal with my fear of people, I pray that you show me, make me trust in people again, make me believe in myself to resolve problems, especially problems caused by people. 

Please give me strength when I want to run away from problems

Please give me strength when I want to give up

Please show me that I can be more patient with people, and less scared

Please show me that I can be depened on by others

Please give me more faith in depending on you when I'm weak, and trusting you and your love for me

Please change me for the better

I think of why I'm so accustomed to running away from responsibility when stress piles up. It had to chase back to elementary school when I changed school, when I was teased by this kid and her groupie, instead of facing the challenge I chose to skip school. My first incident of avoiding pressure situations.

I skipped most of high school as well, but nonetheless i got really good marks to go to Uni made me think skipping school, or avoiding problem is the solution to happiness. It can't be harmful, right?

Come to think of it, I didn't make many friends at Uni, and I skipped tons of Uni as well, it seemed I was only at Uni to fulfil a responsibility, and minimal attendance again didn't prevent me from graduating with decent grades that landed me a desirable job. I never realised why I tried to avoid Uni curriculum activities but now I do - I was afraid of people.