病態中的我
我只想說:親愛的,我好無助
一整天都悶悶的
整個人像失了魂般遊蕩
下午跟朋友喝下午茶
並沒有因此改善情緒低低的
我很糟糕,把兩天的藥一天就吃完
還是提不起勁
更糟的是我安眠藥已經大得嚇人
卻只能勉強短短睡3個小時
完全沒食慾
只靠咖啡香菸
還有己經很久不曾的手心冒汗
又開始了
種種現象冰臨沒有一點生命力
我好想一了百了
心悸很嚴重,偶而還想吐
這是怎麼了
看見鏡中的自己,面無表情,兩眼飄然
不行了,藥效讓我昏昏的
我該上床了
Wake up !! Wake up!!
I just came from the hospital.The brain doc took my neck X-ray.He was in awe that the curve of my neck is in a such ....AWFUL..He joked its like a wood stick, no curve at all,Sigh*I said im almost couldnt be myself.I have trouble breathing sometimes, hard to swallow food, walking wobbly, feeling my head is spinning.Anyway, there is still too less he can do.i complaint that i have trouble sitting in a comfort posture...no space.He checked my spine,said ” no curve”,of course.i have been with this for years.Never feeling relax.when everyone of you put your butt on a chair that called ” rest”,to me, that means ”WAR”....:-(Do you really have to take that AMOUNT of medication?And what about the coffee & cigarret?have you thought about that maybe one of reasons you have been into such awful state that have no way to get out?????????Did you have this thought?!
I decided to order the pizza for myself.A piece of pizza with coke,hmmmmm, i cant have it enough,yummm yumm yumm!!!!!My head is still feeling so bad.Whatever, i got pizza in my stomach.:-)