actually, i don’t know if i use this word correctly

every time, i hear national anthem, i want to shout, want to shake, want to cry out, want to crawl, i feel cold, feel something is moving under my skin, something’s running out from every cell through my vessel into my brain, and runrunrunrunrun...running....out from me, i am losing something,.......

but i enjoy it so much!!!
i feel kind of pain, but what coming after is fantasy....fantasy....fantasy..........................love...peace....and happiness......

being a creep is so shame and so unique