2014-07-14 19:02:25Viviandoll
another milestone
My PhD route had been a long journey, and the last miles on the PhD trademark almost took away the shine of the doctor degree. My contentiousness only awoke literally on the very morning of my graduation ceremony: waking up overwhelmingly in tears for all the sceneries passing by the past decade of my education journey in UK.
My loving parents travelled 16 hours and more across the seas to share this honour and joys and at the same time they also carried many doubts about what this girl had became in the last three/four years...
I have been very obedient, super sweet and appraisable daughter (almost as good as my younger excellent brother :D). However, as the woman of 35, the British culture has sculptured gradually significantly me into someone slightly different from who I was at the age of 20. I learn to accept everyone has the ownership of their name, besides their own family name - to say that, here no one is just whose daughter/son, no one is only whose husband/wife, everyone has their own existence and gravity in the world. This development taught me to be brave enough to bid goodbye to a wonderful husband candidate who can guaranty me a well-prospective marriage happy life. This inter-cultural development also makes me realise how much I value myself should be equally balanced with who other people expect me to be. My need is equally important as other people's need from me, if not more.
However, having so little time spent with my family (yearly visit, and on one occasion UK chained my passport for nearly three years) left my parents in astonishments to hear how I decided to give up a stable, reliable relationship, how I decided to continue my life in UK.
The prejudice of miunderstanding my parents just wanting me there with them, going for blind-dates, getting married simply because of my age, and producing the next generations was so strong in my stubborn mind, and created obstacles for me and my parents to communicate properly. Anything they commented about the comparison between UK and Taiwan I took offensively. I misread these comments as their ways of persuading me to return to Taiwan. However, I was so wrong. Of course, they would want me to have better life, they prefer looking after their children as far as they could financially, physically and emotionally. They didn't want to see me struggling here, feeling defeated when the family is not here to encourage, to comfort and to baby my wounded heart.
My parents want me to have good life in which they would feel relieved, happy, for me. Therefore, they were concerned with me being on my own working exhaustedly in a small company, left aside the prestigious qualification of doctorate education, and left alone, lonely when the family are afar in Taiwan. I understand these abovementioned concerns only after we had a outburst cry of anger between both sides, on only their first night in Aberdeen. However, they are all meant to happen, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to recognise myself being so hard shielded against my parents - someone I love the most in this lifetime.
Without anyone knew about this difficulties for my parents to reach me and for me to communicate with my parents, Tuckchee came into our journey on the very second day in Aberdeen. He invited us to Crathie castle and at the lunch he and my mother had a hearty talk, about the retirement decision seven years back after the counselling session with him, about how I would be always their daughter and about how I didn't change my nature but had been higher the guard being too protective of UK life.
Both me and my mother cried at the cafe in Crathie castle, my father and Tuckchee smiled. With the sunny rain outside, we had a magical afternoon.
Tuckchee told my parents that having this UK passport is very handy; and for Taiwanese dual nationalities is permitted. Once I get the UK passport/citizenship, I would be like a bird, so free to fly everywhere. And I always will love my parents the most; I will always be their daughter - this would never change.
My parents before the UK journey was very worried how I had became, how derailed I had been. On this Aberdeen and London visit, we had the companies of Tuckchee and Adrian, we dined with Mark & Jill, they attended my highest hounourable graduation ceremony, they met some of my fine friends, Jenny & Allen, my boss Keith and Taiwanese friend Jenny. My parents feel relieved to know that I have built my trusty circle of friends, and I have very good friend/family like Tuckchee. I wouldn't be going downward, decreasing my life value, neither would I be hurt or influenced by ill acquaintances. They saw me managing my life here, handling the time and issues before their eyes. They read me opening myself up to them, once again. I should have made my parents proud this year.
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another milestone
Sorry my loving parents Sophia & David and sorry my dearest brother Will & Grace, I wasn't very open to communicate with you about what I wanted to do, why I wanted to do these earlier, and this wall must have caused you worries. My dearest loves, thank you for being patient and thank you for your understanding and thank you for loving me.