link http://www.nownews.com/2010/01/26/91-2563201.htm
國際中心／綜合報導

請不要再灌輸小女孩長大後要找「白馬王子」的觀念了，美國一位單親媽媽羅莉(Lori Gottlieb)根據自身的經驗，出了一本非常務實的書《嫁給他：為好好先生安定下來》(Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough)。

羅莉寫得一針見血，很多女人認為，除非遇見讓自己能感受「天雷勾動地火」的男子，來場浪漫火辣的戀情，否則，絕不嫁人！不過，羅莉要提醒妳，這種女人多半會孤獨終老。

羅莉提出具體建議，女人的幸福歸宿仍是婚姻，年過30的「敗犬」、「剩女」應該放棄尋找「白馬王子」，而應找個「第二好」安定下來嫁給他。

40歲的羅莉是透過試管受精成為單親媽媽，她說自己一直在尋找「完美先生」，如今只希望自己找到「可以接受又不礙眼」的男子共度下半生。羅莉說，敗犬多半會感到恐慌甚至絕望，「超過40歲的剩女如果堅稱幸福，那是自欺欺人。」

她寫著，「問問任何一名敢直視靈魂、40歲的異性戀單身女子，她一生最渴望的是什麼？她應該不會回答事業成功、擁有細腰或一棟大房子。她可能說，真的想要一個丈夫(或衍生而來的一個小孩)。」

不是你的錯！找到理想伴侶　機率只有28萬分之1
(2010/01/16 00:18)　國際中心／綜合報導

英國日前傳出一名26歲女子欣克利與1千名男子約會後，才找到心愛的完美伴侶。不少網友看到這個新聞後，認為約會1千次才找到真愛，實在很誇張；但英國經濟學老師巴庫斯則覺得，欣克利約會1千次就找到伴侶已經很幸運了，因為根據他的推算，一個人要找的適合自己的人的機會只有28萬5千分之1。

現任沃瑞克大學經濟學講師的巴庫斯，在過了3年沒有女朋友的日子後，便開始思考「我為什麼沒有女朋友」這個問題，為了找出答案，他利用研究外星人存在機率的「德瑞克方程式」，來計算找到理想伴侶的機率。

根據巴庫斯的推算，以英國3千萬名成年女性做樣本，扣掉24歲以下、34歲以上的女性後，住在倫敦且雙方能夠看彼此對眼的只剩下26人，這也就說，巴庫斯每天到倫敦街頭閒晃，要遇到適合自己的伴侶機率只有28萬分5千分之一。

巴庫斯對估算出來的結果還算「滿意」，「因為這就表示，交不到女朋友不是我的錯，是機會太少了」。

新聞小百科：
德瑞克方程式（Drake equation，又稱薩根公式（Sagan equation）或格林班克公式（Green Bank equation）)，由天文學家法蘭克德瑞克（Frank Drake）於1960年代提出的一條用來推測「可能與我們接觸的銀河系內外星球高智文明的數量」得公式。

德瑞克方程式如下：N = R* × fp × nE × fl × fi × fc × L

N 代表銀河系內可能與我們通訊的文明數量
R 代表銀河內恆星形成的速率
fp 代表恆星有行星的可能性
ne 代表位於合適生態範圍內的行星的平均數
fl 代表以上行星發展出生命的可能性
fi 代表演化出高智生物的可能性
fc 代表該高智生命能夠進行通訊的可能性
L 代表該高智文明的預期壽命
(資料來源：維基百科)

Pre-order Marry Him by My Friend Lori Gottlieb

Submitted by admin on Tue, 12/29/2009 - 09:09.

My friend Lori Gottlieb has taken a very funny controversial article in the March 2008 issue of the Atlantic and blew it out into an entire book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.  I just pre-ordered it — it should be out just in time for Valentine’s Day, 2/4/2010.  Here’s some info on the book and why I think this book is so cool — what my connection is to it, aside from being friends with Lori.

Lori Gottlieb wrote a very popular and controversial article for the Atlantic Monthly magazine’s March 2008 issue: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough.  Years before, Lori has interviewed me about my over-dramatic love life and then, after the fact-checker called me and checked up on me (she was more compassionate on the phone than strict — she wished me good luck and told me I was better off) I almost forgot about it.  Well, when it came out, I was indeed quoted in the Atlantic, one of my favorite modern periodicals.

About Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

You have a fulfilling job, a great group of friends, the perfect apartment, and no shortage of dates. So what if you haven’t found The One just yet. Surely he’ll come along, right?

But what if he doesn’t? Or even worse, what if he already has, but you just didn’t realize it?

Suddenly finding herself forty and single, Lori Gottlieb said the unthinkable in her March 2008 article in The Atlantic: Maybe she, and single women everywhere, needed to stop chasing the elusive Prince Charming and instead go for Mr. Good Enough.

Looking at her friends’ happy marriages to good enough guys who happen to be excellent husbands and fathers, Gottlieb declared it time to reevaluate what we really need in a partner. Her ideas created a firestorm of controversy from outlets like the Today show to The Washington Post, which wrote, “Given the perennial shortage of perfect men, Gottlieb’s probably got a point,” to Newsweek and NPR, which declared, “Lori Gottlieb didn’t want to take her mother’s advice to be less picky, but now that she’s turned forty, she wonders if her mother is right.” Women all over the world were talking. But while many people agreed that they should have more realistic expectations, what did that actually mean out in the real world, where Gottlieb and women like her were inexorably drawn to their “type”?

That’s where Marry Him comes in.

By looking at everything from culture to biology, in Marry Him Gottlieb frankly explores the dilemma that so many women today seem to face—how to reconcile the strong desire for a husband and family with a list of must-haves so long and complicated that many great guys get rejected out of the gate. Here Gottlieb shares her own journey in the quest for romantic fulfillment, and in the process gets wise guidance and surprising insights from marital researchers, matchmakers, dating coaches, behavioral economists, neuropsychologists, sociologists, couples therapists, divorce lawyers, and clergy—as well as single and married men and women, ranging in age from their twenties to their sixties.

Marry Him is an eye-opening, often funny, sometimes painful, and always truthful in-depth examination of the modern dating landscape, and ultimately, a provocative wake-up call about getting real about Mr. Right.

Marry Him has been optioned for film by Tobey Maguire for Warner Brothers.

Click here for an interview with Lori.

What People are Saying

“What Lori Gottlieb is saying isn’t subversive – it’s smart. A thoroughly entertaining reality check, it will make single women laugh and squirm, and married people appreciate their spouses even more.”
—Diablo Cody, Academy Award-winning screenwriter of JUNO

“I wish I could round up every single woman I know and assign this book for discussion. Gottlieb helps women see how our cultural or private fantasies build up so many expectations that they destroy the possibility of real love and, eventually, marriage. Marry Him is a big fat lesson in how not to get in your own way. Any woman who wants to find true love and hasn’t been able to should read this book.”
—Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com

“Finally, here’s a cautionary tale for anyone wondering why she hasn’t found Mr. Right—with a hopeful message about the Mr. Right Nows, the Mr. Close Enoughs, and even the Mr. What the F*#%s.”
—Jill Soloway, writer and executive producer for Six Feet Under

“Engaging, hilarious, brutally honest, and eye-opening! Marry Him is an encouraging story about finding love by getting real.”
—Rachel Greenwald, New York Times bestselling author of Find a Husband After 35

“This is a daring and wise book. Gottlieb tells it like it is: In our modern world of excess, too many of us have unrealistic expectations about men and love, and even more unrealistic views of ourselves. Women (and men) should take Gottlieb’s message to heart: ‘Look for reasons to say yes.’ It could change your life.”
—Helen Fisher, Ph.D., Rutgers University and author of Why Him? Why Her?

“I have been very happily married for many years, and if my daughters ever ask me for advice about potential spouses, I plan to pass off a lot of what’s in this book as my own sage wisdom.”
—Kurt Andersen, New York Times bestselling author of Heyday and host of public radio’s Studio 360

“Marry Him shows women how to find true happiness when seeking love—by giving them a new way to look at the world. Gottlieb manages to be hilarious yet thought-provoking, light-hearted yet profound on the questions of: Why do we fall in love? What qualities really matter in a marriage? For what reasons do we make the decisions that affect our whole lives? Like provocative relationship classics such as The Rules and He’s Just Not That Into You, Marry Him will set people talking for years.”
—Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project

“Lori Gottlieb’s smart, insightful, witty observations gleaned on her own unusual romantic path signal an important new voice in single-girl lit. The Rules turned single women needy, He’s Just Not That Into You made them depressed, and Marry Him finally sets them free, preaching that in the long run, ‘good enough’ might be better than great.”
—Amy Sohn, author of Prospect Park West

“Marry Him is a treasure. A must-read on getting the male and female brain together in almost perfect harmony.”
—Louann Brizendine, New York Times bestselling author of The Female Brain and the upcoming The Male Brain

“By telling you to read Lori Gottlieb’s incisive and insightful book, I hope I can make up for all the unrealistic romantic propaganda I had a hand in spreading as a former editor at a glossy women’s magazine. For anyone who is single but looking, the surprising truths in Marry Him go against just about everything we’ve been brought up to believe aboutdating and marriage.”

—Megan McCafferty, New York Times bestselling author of the Jessica Darling series

What People Said About the Atlantic Article

“Gottlieb gets a lot right about what it’s like to be a heterosexual, middle-class, single woman in her 30s, and how different it is from being a heterosexual, middle-class single woman in her 20s. What took me by surprise is the extent to which the change is palpable, even for women like me, who haven’t been planning their dream wedding since girlhood; who are in fact ambivalent about babies and marriage… I think Gottlieb has done something important … She debunks the vapid “You go, girl!” form of empowerment, which often harms women by suggesting that they shouldn’t settle for less than everything. Gottlieb, in contrast, tells her story as if she were speaking to a roomful of adults, who can be trusted not to faint at bad news.”
—The Economist

“Just six years ago, suggesting that women consider their eggs before rejecting suitors was controversial. Today, it’s so commonplace that the very un-Carrie notion of “settling” is no longer taboo. Settling will make you happier, [Gottlieb] said, because those who marry with high expectations are only disappointed.”
—Newsweek

“It all depends on what you consider settling. What I failed to realize, in the blushing first stages of romantic love, is that romance is not what runs a household, gets the kids washed, or folds the ironing.”
—Good Housekeeping

“[Gottlieb’s essay] has sparked responses, in the blogosphere and elsewhere, whose collective word count surely exceeds that of her article by at least a hundred-fold… I detect enough self-deprecating drollery in the essay to persuade me it’s not the crime against humanity that many of its more vehement critics are convinced it is.”
—The Los Angeles Times

“Last week I was in the salon getting a mani-pedi and I overheard two of the gals discussing an article from the Atlantic magazine. Why wait for the perfect man, when he just might be a myth?”
— Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

“I think this is going to continue to be debated for the next millennia or two.”
—Neal Conan, NPR’s “Talk of the Nation”

“Gottlieb’s advice contradicts the romantic message of a million love songs and Valentine’s cards and chick flicks. But given the perennial shortage of perfect men, she’s probably got a point.”
—The Washington Post

http://cabraham.com/pre-order-marry-him-my-friend-lori-gottlieb