2003-06-16 11:49:50touri1
On the other side of grief (I)
by Andy Argyrakis
Think about the one thing you love most in this world. It may be a place, a person, a feeling or an object. Think about what it means to you, why you love it so much and how special it is to you. Now imagine it's suddenly taken away, with no chance of you ever enjoying its presence again. Without it, the world isn't the same.
That gut-wrenching feeling of loss is at the heart of all grief. We've all experienced grief at some point in our lives. Some of us have shed tears over a best friend moving away, others have grieved a sudden tragedy, while still others could hardly find breath to get through the death of a loved one. Through divorces, job losses, deaths, breakups and accidents, grief has made its presence known in all of our lives. Yet as we look into the following examples of singles who have walked through horrifically dark times, a truth emerges in the midst of the pain : There is another side, a place of hope, past the unbearable grief and pain. It may not come quickly, but nonetheless it's there, waiting for you to arrive.
Shattered Dreams
Jeremy Camp is a singer-songwriter from Lafayette, Ltd., whose story begins at a Southern California Bible college, where he supplemented his studies with time spent leading worship for his peers. During a time of worship, Jeremy met the girl of his dreams, Melissa, and they soon began pursuing a dating relationship. As the two grew in their relationship with the Lord and each other, Melissa was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was forced to undergo intensive treatment. Regardless of the outcome, Jeremy knew this was the girl he was to marry, and after a series of chemotherapy sessions, asked Melissa to be his wife.
The two tied the knot just five months later as Melissa's hair began growing back and signs of her illness subsided. However, as the couple embarked on their honeymoon, her condition began to worsen again. "By the time we got back from the honeymoon, we found out she only had weeks to months to live," recalls a somber Jeremy. "Hearing the news was like someone had literally torn our hearts out and everything we had planned together had just been shattered."
After a short period of additionally painful treatments and endless sessions of prayers for her healing, Melissa passed away on Feb. 5, 2001, with her husband at her bedside. "I remember lying on the hospital floor in the fetal position just bawling. I literally wanted to die," offers Jeremy. "I just kept calling out, 'Lord, there's no reason right now why I should live. I want to go to heaven and be with my wife.' "
Reality set in for Jeremy when he was later forced to sign the obituary papers for his wife. "I remember feeling complete hopelessness at that very moment," Jeremy says. "In one sense, I saw her suffer through so much and was glad she was with the Lord, but I realised I was angry at God for taking her. It just didn't make sense."
Questioning God
According to experts, the questioning of God's will in times of desperation like Jeremy's is only natural. Quite often, that questioning can turn into a period when the griever becomes upset with God for taking his loved one, eventually causing him to lash out in anger.
"Whenever something tragic happens, people tend to think about their relationship with God, regardless of how strong or weak it has been in the past," explains Elizabeth Elgersma, a licensed clinical social worker at the Chicago Christian Counseling Center. "Whether their faith is strong of not, everyone has a tendency to blame God when something bad happens, and they can get very angry at Him. But God's big enough to handle that type of response, as He's the one in the end who can ultimately get them through the ordeal."
Once that anger has subsided, those grieving often call out to God for a sign that He's still looking out for them. Desperate cries to God through prayer become more frequent, as the person seeks to get a hold on the pain of the loss.
(.... to be continued)
Think about the one thing you love most in this world. It may be a place, a person, a feeling or an object. Think about what it means to you, why you love it so much and how special it is to you. Now imagine it's suddenly taken away, with no chance of you ever enjoying its presence again. Without it, the world isn't the same.
That gut-wrenching feeling of loss is at the heart of all grief. We've all experienced grief at some point in our lives. Some of us have shed tears over a best friend moving away, others have grieved a sudden tragedy, while still others could hardly find breath to get through the death of a loved one. Through divorces, job losses, deaths, breakups and accidents, grief has made its presence known in all of our lives. Yet as we look into the following examples of singles who have walked through horrifically dark times, a truth emerges in the midst of the pain : There is another side, a place of hope, past the unbearable grief and pain. It may not come quickly, but nonetheless it's there, waiting for you to arrive.
Shattered Dreams
Jeremy Camp is a singer-songwriter from Lafayette, Ltd., whose story begins at a Southern California Bible college, where he supplemented his studies with time spent leading worship for his peers. During a time of worship, Jeremy met the girl of his dreams, Melissa, and they soon began pursuing a dating relationship. As the two grew in their relationship with the Lord and each other, Melissa was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and was forced to undergo intensive treatment. Regardless of the outcome, Jeremy knew this was the girl he was to marry, and after a series of chemotherapy sessions, asked Melissa to be his wife.
The two tied the knot just five months later as Melissa's hair began growing back and signs of her illness subsided. However, as the couple embarked on their honeymoon, her condition began to worsen again. "By the time we got back from the honeymoon, we found out she only had weeks to months to live," recalls a somber Jeremy. "Hearing the news was like someone had literally torn our hearts out and everything we had planned together had just been shattered."
After a short period of additionally painful treatments and endless sessions of prayers for her healing, Melissa passed away on Feb. 5, 2001, with her husband at her bedside. "I remember lying on the hospital floor in the fetal position just bawling. I literally wanted to die," offers Jeremy. "I just kept calling out, 'Lord, there's no reason right now why I should live. I want to go to heaven and be with my wife.' "
Reality set in for Jeremy when he was later forced to sign the obituary papers for his wife. "I remember feeling complete hopelessness at that very moment," Jeremy says. "In one sense, I saw her suffer through so much and was glad she was with the Lord, but I realised I was angry at God for taking her. It just didn't make sense."
Questioning God
According to experts, the questioning of God's will in times of desperation like Jeremy's is only natural. Quite often, that questioning can turn into a period when the griever becomes upset with God for taking his loved one, eventually causing him to lash out in anger.
"Whenever something tragic happens, people tend to think about their relationship with God, regardless of how strong or weak it has been in the past," explains Elizabeth Elgersma, a licensed clinical social worker at the Chicago Christian Counseling Center. "Whether their faith is strong of not, everyone has a tendency to blame God when something bad happens, and they can get very angry at Him. But God's big enough to handle that type of response, as He's the one in the end who can ultimately get them through the ordeal."
Once that anger has subsided, those grieving often call out to God for a sign that He's still looking out for them. Desperate cries to God through prayer become more frequent, as the person seeks to get a hold on the pain of the loss.
(.... to be continued)