For the full enjoyment of your world cup

Please pass on to all concerned



LIST OF RULES FOR WOMEN

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the

newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World

Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you

fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be

totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without

any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will

lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't

mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes

on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to

the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a

refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you

expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick

up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the

fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and

please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch

the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and

6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams

is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry,

they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier

and I will love you less. Reme mber, you will never ever know more about

football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only

lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to

me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the

halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying

"one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend

time together".