2005-06-28 22:40:24藍雨
重生 (上)
今天搭捷運的時候看到很多年輕人,想到了當年像他們一樣的自己
那是這輩子最快樂的時候
也許在聊那段快樂時光前應該讓大家了解一種病症
*Borderline personality disorder
(請看下文.抱歉只有英文的~ ^^||)
原來那時的我生病了可是卻沒有人發現.這也是我在這幾年在網絡上讀到了才知道的
在19歲之前我根本是害怕到了極點
我害怕人.對我來說每個人看起來都好像是在笑我,而且我極度害怕會在人前出醜
我也非常害怕被任何人傷痕,反正對人極度害怕著
不止那樣我更害怕新環境,哪怕是搭5分鐘的公車我也害怕到極點
所以如果我知道必需到某個沒去過的地方時,我大概會心情低落憂鬱幾天,甚至睡不著
除此之外我的怒火很容易引爆,而且是極度氣憤的那種,哪怕只是為了一件小事
極度害怕被拋棄,被拒絕,長時間的憂鬱空虛,易怒的脾氣,易噪易緊張
還有揮之不去的想死的念頭,到最後的偶爾弄傷自己
加上,我正為了自己性向問題痛苦著...
記得我小的時候根本就沒有自己是女生的自覺
只知道開心的跟堂妹跟姐妹跑們跑玩玩開心成長
那樣一直到了我小學2年級才發現原來世上有男女之分
就那樣子我一直都不曾喜歡過任何男生,卻很容易的對女生有喜歡的感覺...
我一直壓抑著自己的這種'病態',因為這不是祂所要的...
到最後我只覺得自己就像是妖怪一樣,白天我就跟一般女生一樣
到了夜晚必需得面對這樣的自己時,我差點就崩潰了
於是,我做了這輩子最大的決定,我要過自己的生活,去尋找真正的自己
我不知道我會不會後悔,但如果連嘗試爭取都沒有,我知道我將會一輩子都遺憾.
終於我用了人生最大的力量,走出自己要的路
也走出生病的日子
或許是那樣的決定給了我全新的人生目標和勇氣
我開始慢慢的自己跨越了距離
我第一次自己一個人搭了1小時的公車去從來沒有見過的學校報名~
那天 我 重生了
*What is borderline personality disorder?
Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health condition marked by self-destructive behavior, anger, impulsiveness, and fear of rejection. These uncontrolled emotions lead to intense moods, suicidal behavior, and difficulty maintaining relationships at work and in your personal life.
Borderline personality disorder is associated with an overwhelming fear of being abandoned. This fear leads to extreme anxiety and frantic attempts to avoid being abandoned, even if the threat of abandonment is not real. For example, you may experience panic or intense anger when someone you care about is just a few minutes late arriving for an appointment.
You may also be prone to sudden shifts in your view of others who might be seen as friends or supporters one minute and as enemies the next. If you feel you have been wronged by someone, you may spend a great amount of energy around fighting that wrong, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else in your life. Some people with borderline personality disorder respond to the despair and unrealistic fear of being abandoned with self-mutilation (such as cutting or burning oneself) or suicidal behaviors.
Borderline personality disorder frequently occurs with other conditions such as depression, eating disorders, and problems with addictions, such as substance abuse and gambling.
**What are the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?
Features of borderline personality disorder include difficulty controlling anger and impulses, problems with unstable and intense relationships, low sense of self-worth, and frantic anxiety about being abandoned. 1 Unlike similar behaviors that everyone experiences once in a while, the negative or destructive behaviors of borderline personality disorder are intense and occur over a long period of time.
Impulsive behaviors lead to problems in areas such as spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, gambling, or binge eating. You can also frequently experience unstable, fierce moods swings such as depression, anger, anxiety, or irritability. These intense moods usually last only a few hours and almost never more than a couple of days. In relationships, you may alternate between extremes of greatly admiring someone and then intensely hating or being angry at that person; these extremes make maintaining your social, work, and personal relationships very challenging.
Other characteristics of borderline personality disorder may include long-term feelings of emptiness, frequent and sometimes violent temper tantrums, self-injury (such as cutting or burning yourself), and sometimes suicidal behavior.
***What causes borderline personality disorder?
The cause of borderline personality disorder is not well understood. It is likely passed down in families as it is five times more common among people whose parents or siblings have the disorder. 2 Frequently, people who develop this disorder have experienced some sort of childhood trauma such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, neglect, or early loss of or separation from a parent combined with being born with certain personality traits, such as having anxiety or being overly worried (neurotic personality).
An imbalance of chemicals in the brain (neurotransmitters) that help regulate emotions may also play a role in borderline personality disorder. Research is ongoing to determine whether the function or structure of the brain is impaired in those with borderline personality disorder.
那是這輩子最快樂的時候
也許在聊那段快樂時光前應該讓大家了解一種病症
*Borderline personality disorder
(請看下文.抱歉只有英文的~ ^^||)
原來那時的我生病了可是卻沒有人發現.這也是我在這幾年在網絡上讀到了才知道的
在19歲之前我根本是害怕到了極點
我害怕人.對我來說每個人看起來都好像是在笑我,而且我極度害怕會在人前出醜
我也非常害怕被任何人傷痕,反正對人極度害怕著
不止那樣我更害怕新環境,哪怕是搭5分鐘的公車我也害怕到極點
所以如果我知道必需到某個沒去過的地方時,我大概會心情低落憂鬱幾天,甚至睡不著
除此之外我的怒火很容易引爆,而且是極度氣憤的那種,哪怕只是為了一件小事
極度害怕被拋棄,被拒絕,長時間的憂鬱空虛,易怒的脾氣,易噪易緊張
還有揮之不去的想死的念頭,到最後的偶爾弄傷自己
加上,我正為了自己性向問題痛苦著...
記得我小的時候根本就沒有自己是女生的自覺
只知道開心的跟堂妹跟姐妹跑們跑玩玩開心成長
那樣一直到了我小學2年級才發現原來世上有男女之分
就那樣子我一直都不曾喜歡過任何男生,卻很容易的對女生有喜歡的感覺...
我一直壓抑著自己的這種'病態',因為這不是祂所要的...
到最後我只覺得自己就像是妖怪一樣,白天我就跟一般女生一樣
到了夜晚必需得面對這樣的自己時,我差點就崩潰了
於是,我做了這輩子最大的決定,我要過自己的生活,去尋找真正的自己
我不知道我會不會後悔,但如果連嘗試爭取都沒有,我知道我將會一輩子都遺憾.
終於我用了人生最大的力量,走出自己要的路
也走出生病的日子
或許是那樣的決定給了我全新的人生目標和勇氣
我開始慢慢的自己跨越了距離
我第一次自己一個人搭了1小時的公車去從來沒有見過的學校報名~
那天 我 重生了
*What is borderline personality disorder?
Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental health condition marked by self-destructive behavior, anger, impulsiveness, and fear of rejection. These uncontrolled emotions lead to intense moods, suicidal behavior, and difficulty maintaining relationships at work and in your personal life.
Borderline personality disorder is associated with an overwhelming fear of being abandoned. This fear leads to extreme anxiety and frantic attempts to avoid being abandoned, even if the threat of abandonment is not real. For example, you may experience panic or intense anger when someone you care about is just a few minutes late arriving for an appointment.
You may also be prone to sudden shifts in your view of others who might be seen as friends or supporters one minute and as enemies the next. If you feel you have been wronged by someone, you may spend a great amount of energy around fighting that wrong, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else in your life. Some people with borderline personality disorder respond to the despair and unrealistic fear of being abandoned with self-mutilation (such as cutting or burning oneself) or suicidal behaviors.
Borderline personality disorder frequently occurs with other conditions such as depression, eating disorders, and problems with addictions, such as substance abuse and gambling.
**What are the symptoms of borderline personality disorder?
Features of borderline personality disorder include difficulty controlling anger and impulses, problems with unstable and intense relationships, low sense of self-worth, and frantic anxiety about being abandoned. 1 Unlike similar behaviors that everyone experiences once in a while, the negative or destructive behaviors of borderline personality disorder are intense and occur over a long period of time.
Impulsive behaviors lead to problems in areas such as spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, gambling, or binge eating. You can also frequently experience unstable, fierce moods swings such as depression, anger, anxiety, or irritability. These intense moods usually last only a few hours and almost never more than a couple of days. In relationships, you may alternate between extremes of greatly admiring someone and then intensely hating or being angry at that person; these extremes make maintaining your social, work, and personal relationships very challenging.
Other characteristics of borderline personality disorder may include long-term feelings of emptiness, frequent and sometimes violent temper tantrums, self-injury (such as cutting or burning yourself), and sometimes suicidal behavior.
***What causes borderline personality disorder?
The cause of borderline personality disorder is not well understood. It is likely passed down in families as it is five times more common among people whose parents or siblings have the disorder. 2 Frequently, people who develop this disorder have experienced some sort of childhood trauma such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, neglect, or early loss of or separation from a parent combined with being born with certain personality traits, such as having anxiety or being overly worried (neurotic personality).
An imbalance of chemicals in the brain (neurotransmitters) that help regulate emotions may also play a role in borderline personality disorder. Research is ongoing to determine whether the function or structure of the brain is impaired in those with borderline personality disorder.