today im sleepless again, however i still have go to work later. life is tough, isnt it? When i was young, everynight while i went to bed, i can fall asleep easily. now, when im home, used to listen to music, write diary, watch tv. after all, i feel sleepy, and turn off the tv and pc. liying down the bed, i always cant fall asleep easily. i tried to sleep hard, but it just doesnt work. sometimes i thought about my past, someone, or my job. soemtimes i would cry before sleeping. and feel lonely, helplessness, sad. i know i have to take all of my emotion, get to used to live alone. when i was young, i always hope someone would come back, acompany with me, face all things with me, share all things of my life. After four years, finally i realize that this is just a dream. its Illusory. the one who i thought he would my sky, my backer. this is all One-sideds wish. hes just a passenger of my life. he wont be with me when im sad, happy, angry, or helplessness. but this is really sad that when i realize the fact, im already a woman. im not young anymore, and try to seeks another person to give me to be warm. ha.... but is the person exist? all i can do is try to keep go on, face everything bravely. for my own strength, diligently live in the world. i know the one who i love is illusionary. if he cared about me, then he wouldnt disappear after all. when i was young, he destroyed my life. after four years he even asked someone that i dont know to call me, botherd my life. when i told john, he said hes son of bitch. asking me to forget him. ya... hes really son of bitch. he gave me a dream, and destruct it right away. hes the one who did something worng, but he acted like a innocent kid. damn......why did i meet the perosn, i gave him my precious first time. but he just acted like he doesnt know me. sometimes, i watched the soap opera or movie, i would think abt him, and cry hardly. ha...i know im a idiot. all men are inexpensively. and im the one who violates inexpensively. sigh...god, please save me!!!!!!!!

estroyed my life,