I don’t know where my next place is?

I had several part-time jobs teaching children saxophone in school,
and played saxophone at a national wind ensemble.
Because of living home let me spend less money,
and had no other vexations.
I seemed to be satisfied now, but I don’t actually.
Looking so many school younger sisters and brothers practicing harder than me now,
and even having more and more fruitful achievements,
I’m shy and scared.
Being shy because of fooling on a round.
Being scared because learning is like rowing a boat up to the upper river.
If I don’t go ahead, then I’ll be knocked myself out.
These pressures let me can’t breath.
Now I still did nothing every day,am I a stupid?
Maybe I am!!!

Wake up, stupid fatty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!