I hate to have had to resort to this last move.....

Something so true should only be enjoyed at times of ecstasy
or in pure relaxation

It should not be used to combat depression

I had no choice

It was pushing at my limit, trying to break free

I had to put it down





And it helped.......


Now that Ive sinned.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Days after days.

I would sit down alone and just think, think.

In solitude, the two halves of a brain are their mutual best friends.

Pain or not, the two halves communicate.
Just tryiong to make some sense out of all this mess
All this mess

Blue? Yes.
Bored? No.

Days and nights went by.
The discrepancy between skin and core grew larger
Lone nights became longer


Underneath it all,
a Silent Revolution is raging
Quiet contemplation went on for hours and hours.



I built a lie for my nest
I built a smile for its door

I practiced my craft
practice after practice

Livin’, in this beautiful lie
beautiful life

Runnin’ in circles, dead scared.
Towards nothing, away from nothing

Being wounded by nothing
Recovering from nothing

Everything is so subtle
Its everywhere and nowhere

Livin’, in this beautiful lie
Beautiful Life

------------------------------------------------------------------

Seasons change
People, too

The contemplation is nearing an end
At least for this stage, soon it will begin again


Every episode of the memory, reviewed
I spot my wrongdoings

Every course of action, re-evaluated
I now see the critical points

Every argument of faith, reinstated
I know how to negotiate now

That final strike, recreated
I ponder over the matter


I have it all figured out now

The saddest, the end was inevitable
Even after I revisited it in my mind, hundreds of times

The collapse started much earlier

I felt that I had done everything in my power
and indeed I had
I simply used my power the wrong way

”I gave you miles and miles of mountain, and you asked for the sea”

Oblivion was my crime
Heartlessness was my sin

Endlessness is my punishment.....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My eyes are open

I look at the doors that surround me

All of them lead to nowhere
None of them leads to somewhere


Even what I want is not what I really want anymore
The Heart and the Mind can sure battle a long way
An ever-lasting war between ”Right” and ”Good”

I am really left with no way out, for the time being

Future looks hazy, unexpected as always
I have learned to take a stab at the concept of hope
For hopelessness is true freedom

True reality is better than false hope
I must not let them false hopes get to me

Resistence is futile,
Acceptance is messiah!


I have it all figured out!
Such a beautiful lie

Now, just gotta deal with the Residuals

The path ahead will be rough,
But I have nowhere to run
Gotta go....


Butterfly or Spider?
Angel or Devil?

I dont know
There is no point in knowing, anyway
This distance is expanding by the second
Soon it will be the classical and eventual strange similarity


I am no psychic,
I cannot predict

Whatever happens, however it happens, whomever it happens with
I will be a better man!

a better person...











”Everyones looking at me
Im running around in circles
A quiet desperation’s building higher
Ive got to remember this is just a game”

30 seconds to Mars - A Beautiful Lie (2006)