感謝學生 Landy 分享，拍自 Niagara falls

人生是一場漫遊。悠遊之處，總能遇見預期之外的各種景色。常有著小確幸般的感動，更不乏目瞪口呆的驚（喜、訝、嘆..)。這是「生」之旅。

而「曾經」，我不只一次的思考：「生」結束之後呢？如果有所謂「死後的世界」，它會是另一場浩壯之遊嗎？又，如果沒有，我們的靈魂，將往何處？到底，活著的一程，有什麼作用或價值？

到「如今」，我確確實實「活在當下」。因為已瞭然，在沒有死之前，一切都是謎。而人生有應盡之時，何苦執念於「無解」的事物上而頻生不甘和喟嘆?!

感謝學生 Landy 分享，拍自 Niagara falls

不禁連想到《終了之前》裡面的話。作者（艾內士多.薩巴多）說：

我年輕時，曾在不同的情況想要自殺，但後來感受到因為我的死而將帶給別人的痛苦，這才把我解救出來。總是會有一個人，我們的不在對他來說是不可彌補的遺憾。可能是母親、父親、兄弟，或任何一個不管多遠的人。也可能只是一個親密的朋友，甚至是一隻狗也就足夠了。

真的，即便是一隻狗，一個物，只要曾相陪過，都是會藴生情感的。人活著，不是只有自己的意義價值，還有旁邊的人事物所予你的溫暖。

村上春樹的短篇《睡》，之所以特別吸引我，有一個特別誘因。故事裡頭的女子，因十七天未睡，想了很多事。其中之一，是由「睡」聯思及「死」。以下片段，字字敲鍵記錄這兒，也當作分享給有興趣的人們閲讀。

《Sleep》-Murakami 《睡》片段：

Until now, I had conceived of sleep as a kind of model for death. I had imagined death as an extension of sleep. A far deeper sleep than ordinary sleep. A sleep devoid of all consciousness. Eternal rest. A total blackout.

到目前為止，我都把睡眠定位成死的一種原型。換句話說，是把死假設成位於睡眠的延長線上的東西。總而言之，死就是遠比普通的睡眠更深的，更無意識的睡眠--永遠的休息，熄燈（Black out)。我是這麼認為的。

But now I wondered if I had been wrong. Perhaps death was a state entirely unlike sleep, something that belonged to a different category altogether---like the deep, endless, wakeful darkness I was seeing now.

但我突然想到，或許並非如此。所謂的死，或許和睡眠是完全不同的狀況也不一定--也許那就如同我現在所看到的，無邊無際而又深沉的、清醒的黑暗。死，或許是在那種黑暗中永遠保持著清醒。

No, that would be too terrible. If the state of death was not to be a rest for us, then what was going to redeem this imperfect life of ours, so fraught with exhaustion? Finally, though, no one knows what death is. Who has ever truly seen it? No one. Except the ones who are dead. No one living knows what death is like. They can only guess. And the best guess is still a guess. Maybe death is a kind of rest, but reasoning can't tell us that. The only way to find out what death is to die. Death can be anything at all.

果真如此的話，那未免也太慘了，我心想。如果死的狀況不是休息，我們這充滿疲弊而不完美的生，到底要如何才能得到救贖呢？畢竟誰也不知道死是什麼樣的東西。有誰實際見識過死嗎？誰也沒有。見識過死的人，已經死了。還活著的，誰也不知道死是什麼樣的東西。只能推測而已。不論是什麼樣的推測，終究都只是推測而已。認為死應該是休息，那也並没有道理。除非真的死了，否則不會知道那是什麼。因為那有可能是任何東西。

An intense terror overwhelmed me at the thought. A stiffening chill ran down my spine. My eyes were still shut tight. I had lost the power to open them. I started at the thick darkness that stood planted in front of me, a darkness as deep and hopeless as the universe itself. I was all alone. My mind was in deep concentration, and expanding. If had wanted to, I could have seen into the uttermost depths of the universe. But I decided not to look. It was too soon for that.

這麼一想，強烈的恐懼感突然向我襲來。感覺脊背像是結冰了，而且全身僵硬。我仍然閉著眼睛。我變得無法睜開眼睛。我凝視著擋在眼前的厚重黑暗。黑暗就如同宇宙一樣深，而且無救贖。我孤零零的一個人。我的意識在集中而後擴大著。我覺得，只要我願意，就可以看穿宇宙更深邃之處。但是我決定不要去看。還太早了，我心想。

If death was like this, if to die meant being eternally awake and staring into the darkness like this, what should I do?

At last, I managed to open my eyes. I gulped down the brandy that was left in my glass.

如果死是這麼一回事，我倒底該怎麼辦呢？如果死就是永遠的清醒，並且像這樣一直面對黑暗的話呢？

我終於睜開了眼睛，把杯子裡剩餘的白蘭地一口喝掉。
--村上春樹

在冰冷無情的地方，心，有溫暖的方向。我這樣想著。以下對話分享：

「...... 你們對音樂難道沒這種體會嗎？」
「我年輕的時候吹過口琴，不過後來沒興致了， 在牢裡也沒意義。」
「就是在牢裡才有意義，有音樂，才不會忘記。」
「忘記什麼？」
「世界上有些地方不是由冷冰冰的石頭砌成的，在人的內心有些東西是他們無法染指，是完全屬於你的。」
「什麼？」
「希望！」

── 《刺激1995》

.
Andy Dufresne：That's the beauty of music. They can't get that from you... Haven't you ever felt that way about music?

Red： I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn't make much sense in here.

Andy Dufresne： Here's where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don't forget.

Red：Forget?

Andy Dufresne：Forget that... there are places in this world that aren't made out of stone. That there's something inside... that they can't get to, that they can't touch. That's yours.

Red：What're you talking about?

Andy Dufresne：Hope.

── 《The Shawshank Redemption》

是的。希望！
「恐懼」不能帶我們到「平和」的地方，雖然恐懼無所不在；「希望」看似渺茫虛無，卻是面帶微笑的天使！因為，希望中有愛！