在這裡過完了我的第二個二月二號,

下一個二月二號又會在哪裡 ?

曾經以為好重要好重要的人事物,

現在又到哪裡去了 ?

其實現下再過一個禮拜五月就要到了,

充其量也只是證明了我有三個多月未踏進這裡,

未為我自己的人生妝點上它該有的色彩和輪廓,

這三個月我經歷了很多像刻進骨頭裡般難以忘懷的事,

心情起伏也很大,

好的壞的愛的恨的悲傷的笑開懷的寂寞的無可奈何的,

若讓我來形容我會說就像是從十九歲變成了九十歲,

老實說我不知道自己該說些什麼,

畢竟敞開心胸一次又一次的掏心掏肺真的很難,

先對台灣的各位說,

抱歉今年暑假我回不來了,

至於細節如何我現下不想多談,

最近常和 Crystal 吃飯,

上上禮拜五我有事沒和她一起吃午餐,

她說沒關係她找的到人陪,

但上個禮拜一在圖書館,

她突然有感而發的跟我說,

[ you knw what? i kind of feel strange abt that, before, i thought i hav a lot of frenz around me, but after a

while like now, ppl who r still by my side r only Kat, Calvin, Yaya, n u... last friday i tried to find

someone to eat w/ me, then i juz realized that what i hav are much lesser than i thought. ]

她的這段話,

好深刻好深刻的再一次點醒了我,

reminded me a lot of things that i wanna forget and ignore...

same as me,

i used to think that i hav a lot of frenz,

but with time passing,

like now two yrs after,

who are still remained ?

lamentably,

most of them who were not there anymore are the people whom i called best best frienz before,

isn't that ridiculous, ha ?

i dun knw,

juz feel like what i've lost were more than i could afford...

there used to be a girl in the U.S. who could bear my weakness n comforted me when i was down,

i relied on her so much that i could tell her almost everything,

she was so important to me at that time...

but what happened now, ppl asked...

i dun knw,

we both knw that we can never act like before anymore,

can we? i doubt...

n what the fuck are the causes?

i dun knw, either...

這兩年我覺得我變了好多,

不再像以前一樣付出好多的自己去關心他人,

也不再花多餘的時間去打點身邊的事物,

收到了一些很令人感動的信件和問候,

但卻慢慢不再熱淚盈框,

不再放縱自己的情緒蔓延至腳邊身邊甚至是心裡,

不打電話不寫信不上MSN不開Skype,

我把自己封鎖在一個死角,

不聽不聞不看不感受不思考,

Crystal 說我在慢性自殺哈,

n i dun even knw why i isolated myself like this bad,

聽起來好危言聳聽,

加州其實真的沒有它氣候和人文上的那麼溫暖,

起碼我感覺不是...