I know of only two conversational topics: relationship and business.

Aside from them, I have nothing to talk about to people.

Frustrating? Annoying? Stupidity? How did I end up where I am?

I remember I used to have heaps of interests, music, sports, current affairs, and I used to have an opinion on every topic. Now, my world has dwindled down to the size of a finger tip.

This is how I waste my time:

I come online, to the source of all information, and I start googling a name or two and spent hours staring at the results, afraid of clicking on the links.

I go on to read some business news and articles, then I come back and stare at the google results page some more.

I youtube some pop songs and listen while I stare just a bit more.

I check my emails, check my blogs, and then fixate my attention on nothing again.

I then start to pity myself, so I start visiting lesbian forums to see if anyone else has the same problem, and then waste hours more reading terribly written entries of people ranting how their love is unrequited.

Sounds asinine? What a psych case you might say! You're right!!

All these time wasted I could've:

practiced my guitar

finished up lyrics

written a film review

exercised/work out

go to a gig

talk to a real friend over the phone

read a book

watch my DVDs

plan  a timeline of tasks for the next steps for my up coming business

go to a dance lesson

go to a painting lesson

I could've done so much more with a treasurous Friday night, and all I've done is stayed at home alone, angered my date by cancelling in the last minute, to stare at a stupid google page.

No more of this nonsense, seriously, so sick of myself now.

Where is my strength, confidence, self control, aspirations? C'mon!

Enough is enough.