I'm tired of life.

What's the whole point anyway. It's been a busy week, busy, but extremely boring.
I need fresh air and warm supports. I have nobody.

I miss mommy. Why do I keep go off the track. Is it how it really will be like when I become truly independent and alone?

I miss Zeynep. I miss Lyd. I need to hear their voices.

Testings, studies, fucking SAT's and fucky college essays. I'm not even stressed out, I'm just simply out of everything. There's no hot spot in me; nothing to move me on, nothing to start me off.

I've told myself that I should pull my bootstrap and walk; fucking idiot. fuck, fuck, fuck.

What about recording? I don't even want to do it anymore. Smash that recording, smash that audition tape, smash all state honor band.

I need to scream. I need my trashing room. Fucking asshole, I have no fucking space to scream. NO FUCKING ROOM FOR ME.

IT'S NOBODY'S FAULT. IT'S ALL MY FAULTS. I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME TO BUT MYSELF.

STOP FUCKING INVITING ME TO THE DINNERS AND TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. YOU KNOW I'M LAZY, YOU KNOW I'M STILL A CHILD. AND YOU KNOW THERE'S NO MOM. NO DAD. NO BEST FRIENDS TO KEEP ME ON TRACK.

SO WHAT. I'LL DO NOTHING I GUESS. I NEED A BREAK, I REALLY DO.

WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIFE. WHAT IS THE POINT. WE HAVE TO COMPETE IN ORDER TO SUCCESS; KILLING IN ORDER TO DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO. I THINK I'M SICK.

I'M SICK. I REALLY AM.

MAYBE I SHOULD GO TO SO CAL. MAYBE I'LL APPLY SAN DIEGO. MAYBE, I'LL GO TO LA.

CAL, WHERE'S THE IMAGINATION? I NEED SOMETHING FASCINATING. I SEE NOTHING YET. DUH, 'CUZ I'M NOT EVEN IN THE SCHOOL YET.

WHERE IS MY PASSION ABOUT LIFE, EARTH, THE WORLD. SCHOOL HAS BEEN A BUT, EVERYTHING HAS BEEN A BUT. I FEEL LIKE I CAN ACCOMPLISH NOTHING. I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE.

SEATTLE. WASHINGTON. HERE I COME. PLEASE GIVE SOMETHING OF MYSELF BACK TO ME. PLEASE.