I had been waiting for this for ages.

Finally, I really cried a bit out loud

last night on my bed for 3-5 minutes.

Before,I could only drop some tears for some sorrows and it was only for a few moments or in my car..etc..I couldn't really say it was crying. It was only dropping some tears for 5-10 seconds.

I felt I was like an  emotionless robot. I suppressed myself to protect myself ,prevented from being hurt. I guess....

I felt I had been suppressed too much and couldn't cry.

Even I really wanted it,I couldn't drop tears or cry.

I felt I had been so pathetic for years for myself. I really felt so bad for myself. So pathetic.

I was so glad I could finally cry;

not to let my parents hear those cries,
I had to kinda suppress my crying in case

they'd hear crying.

It was so good to really cry like a helpless kid. I really couldn't believe I was this sad to let my tears rain from my eyes,dropping down my cheeks,faces...and even water came into my noses...

I had been waiting for this big cry for nearly 10 years.

Nearly 10 years. It was really long.........I felt I was alive like a human.

But now..seems like it won't be easy to cry again,likely...not too sure.

My 2 good friends,cool,you guys seem to be really on the right track finally. REALLY GOOD FOR YOU.