2004-12-15 03:55:27Bombshell
Forum for mental disorders.
From: Alice Chen
To: Tenny Susanto
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 10:21 AM
Subject: Re: cute hamster;)
I believe I inherited the faulty gene from my mom and since we both had so much pride, we always ended up yelling at each other (of course mostly her yelling at me and trying to kill me)....I'd always envious the girls from the class how they interacted with their moms like friends...When I tried to talk to her like a friend, it just always turned out differently... a couple of times I had suicidal behaviors when i was in high school becuz i was pushed to the corner that i believed there was no point of living in this world. My closest family didn't even appreciate my existence. But back then i had a bf who loved me a lot and took care of me so i didnt' end up being found on the street.....but becuz alcohol and drugs weren't available back then so i didn't turn into one of those drug addicts.
now things got much better, ever since i left home to go to college, my mom and i didn't have immediate contact much, therefore chances for immediate conflict became less and less. Now we got older and she's got my dad and brother to nail so the times she lashes out on me also decrease. She calls me average 5 to 10 times a weekend but since i live 6000 miles away, I pick up whenever I feel like and of course she gets very irritated at times but what can she do?? since i am not doing anything wrong:)
----- Original Message -----
From: Tenny Susanto
To: Alice Chen
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:53 AM
Subject: RE: cute hamster;)
That's a fantastic story that we can tell all your coworkers during the xmas dinner.."How we met..Love at First Sight" story..ahhahah..that's a good one...
I so seldom log into Friendster..
It's good that you recognize your problem..rather than ignoring and accepting it as a normal part of your behaviour...You have health insurance right? You really should ask them if they cover psychiatrist services.
Does your mom still talk that way to you? Maybe you can tell her to stop saying such things coz it makes you feel depressed...
-----Original Message-----
From: Alice Chen
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:46 AM
To: Tenny Susanto
Subject: cute hamster;)
so you finally thought i was honored enuf to be listed on your Friendster huh??? haha...j/k
So i was thinking, do you remember how we first met??? (okay this sounds a lil gay), at student union cafeteria, be more exact, was prolly at Panda Express. You were with Dessy and you wore a black coat with fur around your neck. You looked very graceful and statuette....even now i still remember that striking first impression.....
anyway, that was just side note. So i came across this article last nite about mania depression and shocked to learn that's exactly what i was going thru, i had every single sympton listed and even worse. I wish i had known what was wrong with me back then so I could probably hv tried to figure out a way to cope with it....oh well...you know in asia people don't really talk openly about mental disorders. I'm not sayin i'm crazy, but i know how i developed such illness. I grew up in an overly protective family with very limited healthy communications with parents since they both worked all the time and fought all the time and the only communication with kids were yelling, blaming and hitting....so....I was never able or encouraged enuf to speak up........that sort of factors.....my mom never awarded me or even said little nice words to me when i did something good, she always put me down and made me feel like i was worth nothing, so that constituted low self-image on me over time.....
I think perhaps going on medication can have my erratic mood swings under control a little. Right now it hits me less often, prolly like every 4 weeks and lasts for only very short period of time, unlike in the past, it lasted anywhere from 3 weeks to a couple months.
Alice Chen
Technical Sales
Ma Labs., Inc
2075
To: Tenny Susanto
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 10:21 AM
Subject: Re: cute hamster;)
I believe I inherited the faulty gene from my mom and since we both had so much pride, we always ended up yelling at each other (of course mostly her yelling at me and trying to kill me)....I'd always envious the girls from the class how they interacted with their moms like friends...When I tried to talk to her like a friend, it just always turned out differently... a couple of times I had suicidal behaviors when i was in high school becuz i was pushed to the corner that i believed there was no point of living in this world. My closest family didn't even appreciate my existence. But back then i had a bf who loved me a lot and took care of me so i didnt' end up being found on the street.....but becuz alcohol and drugs weren't available back then so i didn't turn into one of those drug addicts.
now things got much better, ever since i left home to go to college, my mom and i didn't have immediate contact much, therefore chances for immediate conflict became less and less. Now we got older and she's got my dad and brother to nail so the times she lashes out on me also decrease. She calls me average 5 to 10 times a weekend but since i live 6000 miles away, I pick up whenever I feel like and of course she gets very irritated at times but what can she do?? since i am not doing anything wrong:)
----- Original Message -----
From: Tenny Susanto
To: Alice Chen
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:53 AM
Subject: RE: cute hamster;)
That's a fantastic story that we can tell all your coworkers during the xmas dinner.."How we met..Love at First Sight" story..ahhahah..that's a good one...
I so seldom log into Friendster..
It's good that you recognize your problem..rather than ignoring and accepting it as a normal part of your behaviour...You have health insurance right? You really should ask them if they cover psychiatrist services.
Does your mom still talk that way to you? Maybe you can tell her to stop saying such things coz it makes you feel depressed...
-----Original Message-----
From: Alice Chen
Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:46 AM
To: Tenny Susanto
Subject: cute hamster;)
so you finally thought i was honored enuf to be listed on your Friendster huh??? haha...j/k
So i was thinking, do you remember how we first met??? (okay this sounds a lil gay), at student union cafeteria, be more exact, was prolly at Panda Express. You were with Dessy and you wore a black coat with fur around your neck. You looked very graceful and statuette....even now i still remember that striking first impression.....
anyway, that was just side note. So i came across this article last nite about mania depression and shocked to learn that's exactly what i was going thru, i had every single sympton listed and even worse. I wish i had known what was wrong with me back then so I could probably hv tried to figure out a way to cope with it....oh well...you know in asia people don't really talk openly about mental disorders. I'm not sayin i'm crazy, but i know how i developed such illness. I grew up in an overly protective family with very limited healthy communications with parents since they both worked all the time and fought all the time and the only communication with kids were yelling, blaming and hitting....so....I was never able or encouraged enuf to speak up........that sort of factors.....my mom never awarded me or even said little nice words to me when i did something good, she always put me down and made me feel like i was worth nothing, so that constituted low self-image on me over time.....
I think perhaps going on medication can have my erratic mood swings under control a little. Right now it hits me less often, prolly like every 4 weeks and lasts for only very short period of time, unlike in the past, it lasted anywhere from 3 weeks to a couple months.
Alice Chen
Technical Sales
Ma Labs., Inc
2075