2004-11-01 16:27:46Bombshell
A Closure.
Had great dinner @ Watergate and hit a couple Halloween parties, I knew my mind was somewhere else. Thought I hid it well, but sensitive Vic noticed the subtle disturbing expression on my face. I knew I needed an official closure to get my life back on track. I had no energy to party, no intention to abuse alcohol, but I couldn’t help start smoking again. I am not a smoker, but I do smoke when I’m in terrible mood, and it’s been a long time since last I smoke, also means, since last time I trusted someone.
Haven’t had real appetite for a while, not to mention a good sleep. Jen got no sleep because of the baby, but I got no sleep because of the fuss in my head. I dialed the number, asked to meet up. Everything seemed so distant, and difficult. No longer caring and concerning behavior, replaced by distant and cold gesture. I couldn’t help but wonder, it wasn’t me who decided to jump into a relationship for the fun of it, it wasn't me to decide to ruin a good friendship between us, and it certainly wasn't me can't carry on a consistent behavior. But I was indeed, a big fool who took too much trust and comfort for granted. Who woke up at 6am to walk the stupid dog and pick up his poo, who drove 40 minutes to Gilroy to shop and ended up buying everything for him and nothing for myself, and this is how he made up for me!? How could I be so stupid to ever date a hypocrite?? This time I really got caught off guard, what did I do to deserve this? Stupid motherfucker dumb.
Driving home, mind quickly drifted away to where it first started, how I got comfortable with him, ended up believing someone like him I could trust with my heart would never leave without a sign. It hurts more, from someone who used to be a caring friend, turned around and became someone I don’t know anymore. Engine moving still, but my vision was moist and blurry. I pulled over on the street, lighted a cigarette, and let the tap flow. I knew I needed this, I’ve been locking my emotion in the closet for too long, which never should have been unlocked. I told myself, cry for the last time and tomorrow, pick urself up and flush all the memory down the drain.
Sigh….how could I have been so naive? Well….in this case, it’s probably more of a shitty luck to be hit by a random disaster. How can human be so ruthless and cold-hearted? What a myth!!
You will be fine, you are much stronger than most women. Yes, this shitty luck was meant to put me down but it only helps me to filter out a bad friend in life. "Can we still be friends??" I wanted to laugh. Men are interesting species, after they slept with you, they got all they wanted and decide they can't really do relationships, but they still want to be friends with you. I guess it’s probably something in their gene, men are dicks and women are dumb.
Relationship is the stupidest thing in life, and a complete waste of time!! Record four-week mistake.
Haven’t had real appetite for a while, not to mention a good sleep. Jen got no sleep because of the baby, but I got no sleep because of the fuss in my head. I dialed the number, asked to meet up. Everything seemed so distant, and difficult. No longer caring and concerning behavior, replaced by distant and cold gesture. I couldn’t help but wonder, it wasn’t me who decided to jump into a relationship for the fun of it, it wasn't me to decide to ruin a good friendship between us, and it certainly wasn't me can't carry on a consistent behavior. But I was indeed, a big fool who took too much trust and comfort for granted. Who woke up at 6am to walk the stupid dog and pick up his poo, who drove 40 minutes to Gilroy to shop and ended up buying everything for him and nothing for myself, and this is how he made up for me!? How could I be so stupid to ever date a hypocrite?? This time I really got caught off guard, what did I do to deserve this? Stupid motherfucker dumb.
Driving home, mind quickly drifted away to where it first started, how I got comfortable with him, ended up believing someone like him I could trust with my heart would never leave without a sign. It hurts more, from someone who used to be a caring friend, turned around and became someone I don’t know anymore. Engine moving still, but my vision was moist and blurry. I pulled over on the street, lighted a cigarette, and let the tap flow. I knew I needed this, I’ve been locking my emotion in the closet for too long, which never should have been unlocked. I told myself, cry for the last time and tomorrow, pick urself up and flush all the memory down the drain.
Sigh….how could I have been so naive? Well….in this case, it’s probably more of a shitty luck to be hit by a random disaster. How can human be so ruthless and cold-hearted? What a myth!!
You will be fine, you are much stronger than most women. Yes, this shitty luck was meant to put me down but it only helps me to filter out a bad friend in life. "Can we still be friends??" I wanted to laugh. Men are interesting species, after they slept with you, they got all they wanted and decide they can't really do relationships, but they still want to be friends with you. I guess it’s probably something in their gene, men are dicks and women are dumb.
Relationship is the stupidest thing in life, and a complete waste of time!! Record four-week mistake.