2012-01-23 09:39:48雲朵兒

起點-終點

一直、一直想離開生長的故鄉到外地漂盪,
                                                                               
呼吸不同的空氣、穿梭在不同的街道風景中,
                                                                               
小說裡的江湖、夢裡的紅樓在這麼一個侷促的小市鎮上是見不著的,
                                                                               
踏破四海的豪情是青春的圖騰,將遠行的行囊上烙印的,也不是家的風景。
                                                                               
國中畢業時考取了台南的專科學校,一心想飛離家的束縛,
                                                                               
與同是「志在離家」的同學欣喜了好久,
                                                                               
無奈,被強迫留在彰化讀職校,讓我悶悶不樂了好一陣,
                                                                               
好不容易高職畢業了,考取了南部的大學,終於可以離家遠征,

事與願違的是,一到台南,就開始想家了。
                                                                               
那種感覺不強烈,但從離開的那刻便緩緩發酵、澎脹,
                                                                               
鄉愁的重量不難負荷,只是心頭上就是卡著什麼不上不下的,
                                                                               
每週都得回彰化踏踏熟悉的土地、逛逛熟悉的街道,
                                                                               
否則就是好像「少了什麼」,不在家就是一種「少了什麼」,但又說不上來的感覺,
                                                                               
回家的次數頻繁到同學都覺得我很怪異,
                                                                               
未離家時心頭有乘風破浪的衝勁,總想做轟轟烈烈的事、見大山大水的壯觀,
                                                                               
身在異鄉時,想念的卻都是小事情、小地方:
                                                                               
高中補習班前面茶亭的布丁奶茶怎麼喝也喝不膩,總是和一大群同學邊等待自己的
                                                                               
飲料,邊聊天談話,吞吐不完的話語讓我覺得自己像口中冒泡的金魚,
                                                                               
下課等待家人來接時逛到膩的永樂街裡有一家超好吃的烤肉攤,香味可以飄好遠好遠,
                                                                               
騎腳踏車回家時三民地下道複雜的路口總是車水馬龍,等待紅燈時我習慣四處張望,
                                                                               
看看忙碌的人群和餘暉照映下的路口景像…
                                                                               
故鄉,就是由不起眼、平凡的回憶與生活所組成的,
                                                                               
因為太普通了,所以當身在其中時,是無法感覺到幸福與甜蜜的,
                                                                               
浪跡的遊子懂,懂得那份珍貴,只是因為工作、學業、或許許多多的因素,
                                                                               
理直氣壯該一直踩踏著的故鄉,變成了一張遙遠的地圖,
                                                                               
地圖上不只註記著初戀時邂逅的公車站牌、快樂奔跑著的學校操場,
                                                                               
更備註了回不去的歲月與享用不完的回憶。
                                                                               
在彰化,即使是一小段的路,都能細數出一大段回憶:
                                                                               
比如三民路,
                                                                               
是國中上下課必經的路,因為早自習老有考試,很早很早就得騎腳踏車上課了,
                                                                               
六點鐘的清晨還沒有什麼人車,前方撲來的風把藍色制服夾克吹得鼓鼓的,
                                                                               
好像用力踩踏板,就能隨著風向把車騎到天上去,國中時的心情通常很慘綠,
                                                                               
但那時總是感到悠閒;
                                                                               
和媽媽常去逛的三民路市場是美食和雜貨的天堂,我喜歡裡面熱鬧的氣氛、
                                                                               
也喜歡自己是那擠來擠去人群中的一員、喜歡幫媽媽提許多魚、肉、蔬果、
                                                                               
想像稍晚餐桌上即將出現的美味珍饈;
                                                                               
「彰化也有百貨,那就是:彰化百貨」,

這句話的梗,大概只有彰化人聽得懂。
                                                                               
在台南、彰化往返了四年後,又到新竹工作,每週變成了新竹、彰化往返,
                                                                               
不變的是我總在每週五的晚上吃到該是晚餐菜色的消夜,
                                                                               
因為媽媽總會習慣把菜留到我回家、吃完了才收掉,
                                                                               
不變的是我總在每週日的晚上(有時還拖泥帶水地留到星期一早上),
                                                                               
帶著極不情願與難過的心情,回到另一個不是家的家。
                                                                               
幾年後我換了工作,來到台中,回家的路程變短了,
                                                                               
偶爾想家、工作不累時騎車四十分鐘就能回到彰化,
                                                                               
即使不住家裡,欣喜自己離家更近了。
                                                                               
我的人生原點在彰化,也許終點時仍會回到原點,
                                                                               
但我不感到失望,生命無法倒轉回頭,
                                                                               
因此從踏出第一步開始,行走的目的就是為了再回來,以致於走了好大一圈。
                                                                               
但這樣的留念不是束縛、也不是約束,
                                                                               
風箏能飛得高,靠的是牢牢牽引住的那條線,
                                                                               
握住線那端的,就是家鄉令人捨不去的的情感與依戀。
                                                                               
                                                  
                                                       

上一篇:致同袍們