As I arrived the airport, I told myself i used to have a full energy of positive, to deal wif the trouble which had stuck in there one year ago.

One months passed, problems are still existing, or even getting worst, it is inflating.

I am very enjoy in living wif my family, the destination of separate made the unexpected attraction to me, I started to miss her like we're together in the very beginning,  and I can have major of time to do my own stuff and personal interests.

However, this feeling doesn't work to her. I can feel she is becoming very bored in our relation as we have not that much time on sticking each other together, she has her own love theory that totally different with me. Every nite we chat in phone is driving me crazy, I don't understand why we hv to spend such a lots time to talk will something meaningless, or jz silent, hearing the dead air between our conversation. Every night, I was really want to smash the phone by my anger.

I know something is going to change as our situation changed at the same time. We are not sticking together, no common topic, no sweet word, no money, no entertainment, no body touch, no kiss. We're seems to be a companion more that a couple which have to discuss how to deal with our daily life, but no sugar. She complaint this change with the ultimate silence in the phone, and I am trying to shut up instead of burst out my anger for the response.

Before backing here, I try to persuade myself to love my wife more, to against another her exist in my school life in someday. However, my plan seems to fail, and the other her's shadow appear randomly in my imagination again.

I am so scar of the repetition of history, I know I should run far away from drugs, therefore I try my best to avoid meeting with her, I come back without any notice, I erase all the memories between me and her, transfer them with detachment.

But tonight, I write the daily there. I looked back the entries. Again.

If I have soul, her would be so disappointed with my weakness, I can never learn any lesson from lust caution. I am such a idiot to have a better life.

Before I meet her, do I need to restart my life to learn again?