this year, Christmas is a disaster. i got no reply from someone, nor have a great Christmas dinner. instead, i spend the Christmas alone, lonely in my heart.
do i expect too much or i look forward to the holiday too much that it turns out as nothing to me in the end? probably.
i don't expect any christmas gift, but i want someone beside me, holding my hands listening to the joyful carols, dancing in the snow. that's all. i want a REAL christmas. can i have a REAL christmas in 2 years when i get to the States?

Christmas, Christmas, Christmas...it's not merry at all this year.