Feb. 23rd, 2004


____________________________Can't stop laughing II____________________________

Feb.22nd, 2004

I went to Garfield Pool swimming on Feb. 22nd, 2004.
The young life guard, a teenager, asked me: ' How old are you?'

I felt so funny and bent my waist breathlessly, said: ' Guess!'

She said:' Fifteen?'

This time I laughed much more. One time I went out with my friend's friend. He asked her to guess my age. Then she said:'18.' Because I thought she worked for him and she might want to please me as his friend, so I didn't take her words seriously after a laughter.

But this time is really too much funny for she is a teenager. And I know teenagers tend to exaggerate when they were guessing adults' age.

Then I said:'33.'

Then she said: ' Really! I am sorry. I hope I was not offensive to you. I don't usually ask women's age but I thought you were young, so I asked you. You have a beautiful body.'

I said:' No at all, it's going to keep me smile the rest of the day. Thank you very much.'




On Feb. 23rd, 2004, I went to USF pool to swim at 13:22.

I went out at 06:30 to stroll by Ocean Beach, I didn't wait for my sister to take me to Ocean Beach this time for last time she almost dumped me there. And she is a procrastinator. I'm terrified by waiting for her. I got off at Judah and then walked up to Geary and then to Sutro Garden eat till 10:10. So I decided to go find my mother in financial district first and then went to USF pool to swim as I planned when I went out. And since I was out for a long time, so I stayed only 50 minutes and decided to go out. But I thought that would be a waste to go there with the great cost of traffic time I spent, so I didn't leave after I took a shower. I stood at the bridge to watch people swimming for I remembered I saw some nice arm strokes. Then a beautiful woman body caught my eyes. An Olympian figure! She has no jelly-like fat around her thighs as mine and her shoulders are board and her triangles are easily spotted when she raised her arms. For I knew that there is a female Olympian instructor to give tutoring in this pool, and it's not easy to see good swimmers in the pool I went regularly, so my heart begun to bumping hard and my eyes staring at her movements greedily. And then I felt stranger and stranger after each minute past by. If she were a real Olympian, how could she swim so strangely? Her arms were asymmetric! I knew one Olympian in person, I also know two sons of tow Olympians. Although I learned that each Olympian will develop their own swimming pattern, I still felt her asymmetric posture were too odd. At first I thought my eyes must see something wrong. It must by my eyes go wrong. Then I continued to watch at different angle to make sure that I didn't make wrong judgments on the asymmetric arms. 30 minutes after, I decided that I would like to go down to ask her what happened to her arms.

Then I went down to ask her: ' Hello!'
The she pulled up her swimming cap, and looked at me wish astonished face.

'Hi, I've been watching you swimming for 20 minutes.'
I decided 20 minutes is a good time to tell her. 30 minutes might be too awkward for her to hear.

I kept speaking, after I make sure she was not angry at my interruption: 'I noticed that your arms were asymmetric. Did you do that intentionally?'

'What? How?', said she puzzled.

'Your right arm went straight down and then pushed backward. It went toward the middle line. But your left arm went toward more lateral side. Did you do that intentionally?'

'Oh, no, it should be symmetrical. I am tired so I didn't feel much today. I usually can fell it and correct it. It should be corrected. Thanks for pointing that out.'

'Oh, how long have you been swimming?'

'I stared to swim since I was a kid. I once worked as a life guard, I just like swimming. I never swam competitively.'

'Oh. I admire your body. You have a beautiful body.'
I came out the line the life guard gave to me the day before.

Then she smiled happily.

Though I really want to chat with her more, but I don't think I have the energy to get into the pool to swim with her again. So I said: 'Goodbye', and then left at 15:15.


However, I left with smile.
First of all, it was great to see a beautiful, sturdy body to swim, even though she is not an Olympian, she still swam beautifully enough to entertain my eyes for 30 minutes. Besides, her gliding phase was tremendously well done. She was almost a thrusting arrow.
Second of all, I can see her problems. Maybe I can work with ballerinas someday. There was a scene in 'The Company', the choreographic director halted a ballerina's rehearsal because he thought she hurt her shoulder. Then she admitted she had a neck spam. That was really cool, but I don't know when I can do that. I can't even tell the normal muscle tones yet.
Third of all, I like the feeling that people can exchange the feelings and ideas without thinking too much about 'labeling' kinky stuff. Why should I be a lesbian to watch the female swimmer? I don't have to be one. Why should I want to pick up her in order to talk to her? I don't have to! I can simply watch her and come to give her useful opinions simply because I have spare energy and tender attention to give at the time I can give. God gives me quite a lot through placing me in others' hands from time to time, I'm happy to return him when I have spare energy to give others.


On the way walk to 9th Ave. and Judah to take bus home, I accidentally found out the circus school on Franklin at somewhere near Arguello that I went 8 years ago with a father and two girls. One of them was 5 when I met her. I remembered that she complained that Christmas was a long time ahead when it was Sep.. I remembered she whined that she couldn't wait that much long. I simply laughed when I thought about 3 months in her life would be one tenth of her life since she could start to count the days on calendar while 3-month to us is as flying as a humming bird. You can hardly trace where it flies once you spot it. I remembered how the father encouraged me to jump on the jumping springs. I remembered I might have climbed the 'two bars' and then I fell off on the ground. '''''


I like the feeling of 'can't stop laughing'



Now, tell me what you can give me to make me to continue to laugh.

Stop filling me up with slogans of fake loves.

Love is physical, love is composed of actions.


If I can get the feelings of non-stop laughing everywhere I go, what do I need you in my life for?

Huh?

Tell me.

Tell me why you.

Don't give me abstract adjectives or nouns. That is the least stuff I need. I have dictionaries. You won't be able to illustrate me better concepts of those abstract adjectives or nouns.

Show me the ACTIONS.

I had enough of fake loves. Don't come to me to tell me that you are wiser to give me advice while you feel nothing about my life and my feelings. That's disgusting and only shows you are inept to advise target-orientated. Give me a better life, or seal your lips. I need people who are craving in Chinese literatures, proper English usages, seductive French and Italian speech. I need classical violists and pianists, swimmers, mountain climbers, badminton players, chefs. I need people who show me how they create(d) their own worlds that I can share and enjoy. I need MDs, senior science researchers. I need what I like.

Yes, yes, yes; I keep demanding and showing nothing what I can offer. And so what? I just can. A one-year old child asks for cuddling and milk and warm bedding and attentive talk and nothing too much advanced; Charlotte in Sex and City wished a Tiffany ring from Trey; Sun, Ih4 Xan asked a democratic government from Queen Tse2-Xi. Visions go with one's minds. I hope you knew that before you read this.

I want what I want. And there is nothing wrong if I don't want you.

And I know there is something wrong if you are angry with this piece. You have some sever frail ego problem. Please fix it by yourself. I don't care what methods you use. Or pay me to get my time to fix you.


I have a dream, I dream men with fragile egos can go far away, as far as in Gobi desert. If you are inept to decide what you like to read and can only stay on reading and complain, then you really should refer me to some movie directors to write movie scripts to get produced for I am obviously master the art of making 'spooky' scenarios to catch your attention.



I'm here to choose mate, I'm not waiting here for you to draw a lot blindly. The prime time to spend a nickel to get a salve home has long gone. Think about what your value is and welcome to drop me a line for 'Can't stop laughing' 1st episode for a form to fill out.



I feel quite terrific at this moment and I wish you share the same feeling I have.