2004-01-04 00:01:16UnWanted
Please love me, don''t use me; pudding, Harvard (II)
Please read (I) first
_________________________Please love me_________________________
I wrote to the Harvard thousands of seductive sentences, and it was him to make me to come out the title: 'What do I want? ------> Naked, MIT'. He made me regretted that I refused to be naked with him. I should have had MIT replaced with Harvard, but since he told me that he didn't want me to put his story on CL at the first day we met, so I didn't write ' Naked, Harvard'. But few days later, after I figured out that he ignored my calls and he was healthy alive. I felt so hurt and I wrote him and also left voice message to tell him that I had the agreement based on that he cared. But since he no longer cared, therefore there is no need to keep that agreement. I also wrote that should he have any objections to my decision, he could contact me and I also told him that he would only be impersonated as a Harvard. I also considered that he might have spammed my e-mail address, so I called to leave a voice message again to be sure that I did try to deliver my kindness and positive friendly interactions. I told him that he should not accused me of being unfriendly.
Just about the day I wanted to put this Harvard on CL, a man came to my life. And I thought that I could have a cute man to terminate my miserable life in searching of boyfriend. And then I found out that I found a second my SF MIT. This man is smart, physically strong, and he has no heart for me. He also used me as a substitution for women that he can not approach successfully.
I'm a woman of no rule. I follow any one who treats me right. I'm ready for anyone. Yet I found all the men I met are not ready for me. They just want to use me. And because I'm desperately to ask for love, so I fall into traps easily.
I remembered one article on a similar section in NTU BBS. A woman said that she cooked a pot of coffee pudding, and when she was ready to have it in the afternoon and then found out the house was empty. She cooked a pot for people and no one was there. So she sat down and cried.
Now I'm totally confused in the game of relationship. Men claimed that they left me because I didn't want to have sex with them soon after we met. But they still left me even we had had sex. I fell so terribly sad. The woman who wrote that piece wished to have life companion to share her life. She prepared pudding she liked. My situation would be like this: I prepared 'pudding', and with great hope to have life companion to join me. I placed ad.s and invited people to come. And then they said: 'Ohh, great, I like your idea, I'm lonely, too, and I like your pudding.' And then, they tired few bites, and then they left. And then I had a pot with leftover, and just couldn't stop feeling sad. I said: 'I can prepare 'pudding' for you, please be with me.' And they said: 'I like to enjoy your pudding, it's quite nice. But bye bye.' Sometimes they didn't even say 'Thank you' to me.
I feel so sad and almost in the edge of collapsing.
Once upon a time, a man was angry at me. He said that I should not ask so much from a man. He said that I should consider men in weaker positions like him as well. He said there is no rule for men to take care of women.
And I had nothing to tell him, I could only return a wry smile and felt bitter for myself.
Yes, human beings are highly differentiated, and so there is no fixed rule in relationships. I have no problem to agree with that. Yet women are biologically needy and wait for men to take care of them. Apart from that, each individual has one's own pattern. I never think I have the right to guide or direct anyone to do anything unless I can make them feel comfortable to follow my suggestions.
When people talk to me about their opinions about committing suicide, I often tell them that they have no right to judge people's acts. It were them who were in the crises that they felt they had no other options. It's so easy to judge them and criticize their 'foolish, inconsiderate to their relatives and friends'. Certainly I do agree that death would not be a solution for anything, but I also consider no one can speak for anyone for they never stand in their shoes.
_________________________Please love me_________________________
I wrote to the Harvard thousands of seductive sentences, and it was him to make me to come out the title: 'What do I want? ------> Naked, MIT'. He made me regretted that I refused to be naked with him. I should have had MIT replaced with Harvard, but since he told me that he didn't want me to put his story on CL at the first day we met, so I didn't write ' Naked, Harvard'. But few days later, after I figured out that he ignored my calls and he was healthy alive. I felt so hurt and I wrote him and also left voice message to tell him that I had the agreement based on that he cared. But since he no longer cared, therefore there is no need to keep that agreement. I also wrote that should he have any objections to my decision, he could contact me and I also told him that he would only be impersonated as a Harvard. I also considered that he might have spammed my e-mail address, so I called to leave a voice message again to be sure that I did try to deliver my kindness and positive friendly interactions. I told him that he should not accused me of being unfriendly.
Just about the day I wanted to put this Harvard on CL, a man came to my life. And I thought that I could have a cute man to terminate my miserable life in searching of boyfriend. And then I found out that I found a second my SF MIT. This man is smart, physically strong, and he has no heart for me. He also used me as a substitution for women that he can not approach successfully.
I'm a woman of no rule. I follow any one who treats me right. I'm ready for anyone. Yet I found all the men I met are not ready for me. They just want to use me. And because I'm desperately to ask for love, so I fall into traps easily.
I remembered one article on a similar section in NTU BBS. A woman said that she cooked a pot of coffee pudding, and when she was ready to have it in the afternoon and then found out the house was empty. She cooked a pot for people and no one was there. So she sat down and cried.
Now I'm totally confused in the game of relationship. Men claimed that they left me because I didn't want to have sex with them soon after we met. But they still left me even we had had sex. I fell so terribly sad. The woman who wrote that piece wished to have life companion to share her life. She prepared pudding she liked. My situation would be like this: I prepared 'pudding', and with great hope to have life companion to join me. I placed ad.s and invited people to come. And then they said: 'Ohh, great, I like your idea, I'm lonely, too, and I like your pudding.' And then, they tired few bites, and then they left. And then I had a pot with leftover, and just couldn't stop feeling sad. I said: 'I can prepare 'pudding' for you, please be with me.' And they said: 'I like to enjoy your pudding, it's quite nice. But bye bye.' Sometimes they didn't even say 'Thank you' to me.
I feel so sad and almost in the edge of collapsing.
Once upon a time, a man was angry at me. He said that I should not ask so much from a man. He said that I should consider men in weaker positions like him as well. He said there is no rule for men to take care of women.
And I had nothing to tell him, I could only return a wry smile and felt bitter for myself.
Yes, human beings are highly differentiated, and so there is no fixed rule in relationships. I have no problem to agree with that. Yet women are biologically needy and wait for men to take care of them. Apart from that, each individual has one's own pattern. I never think I have the right to guide or direct anyone to do anything unless I can make them feel comfortable to follow my suggestions.
When people talk to me about their opinions about committing suicide, I often tell them that they have no right to judge people's acts. It were them who were in the crises that they felt they had no other options. It's so easy to judge them and criticize their 'foolish, inconsiderate to their relatives and friends'. Certainly I do agree that death would not be a solution for anything, but I also consider no one can speak for anyone for they never stand in their shoes.