One of my reasons to be an English major is to improve my writing skills on writing stories. I have a dream to be an illustrator for children or even adult novels, and that is why I want to learn story-writing. I want to advance my skills so that I can be good enough to write an illustrated story book.

I want to be a kind of person which is smart and confident. Confidence can give others good impression and help grasping opportunities. However, I am a timid and passive person who usually misses chances.

Art can always make me feel confident. I can find myself and meaning of life in art, while I feel less confident in English. There are so many students who are strong at English, in comparison, I feel helpless. I hate myself to be an English major. I always think I should not be an English major. I lose myself in English.

Actually, I dislike CENG course. The main reason is that I hate speaking in public. I am not good at speaking and I lack confidence to do so. Every time when I am having the course, I feel diffident. Every one performs better than me. Perhaps what I have learned about the way I learn is to be more active in class.

I always want to take up photography. This is my new hobby and I want to cultivate in this new aspect in the following years. It is where I think I can find myself in.

I am distressed by the ruthless fact that most students in Hong Kong need to put career aspects first, rather than interests. No money, no talk; unless you are brought up in a well-off family. I am suffering in this dilemma and I am losing my mind.

I used to have many heroes and heroines. Many of them are artists like Julie Verhoeven, a fashion designer and illustrator, as well as Tom Ford, the ex-chief creation director of the famous fashion label, Gucci. The former is a successful female artist and the latter is a clever businessman and designer. They can strike a balance between dream and reality. The latest idol of mine is the local writer, Tao Jie. He is a man with rich knowledge on language and literature. He can write well with his critical and analytical mind. But at this moment, I can't figure out who are my heroes and heroines, perhaps I don't have any now.

My family seldom gives pressure on my academic and social achievements, except my father expressed his dislike on my dream career – fashion designer. He says the job provides poor career aspect. I understand he is doing for my own good anyway and so I did not feel under any pressure. Pressure usually comes from myself because I tend to be perfect when doing everything. Religion helps me a lot in coping with pressure.

I have changed a lot with the passing of time. I am much different now compared to 10 years ago, 5 years ago and 6 months ago.

10 years ago: I knew nothing about life, still thought I would take up the job of being a teacher. I was a close person and failed to establish good relationship with other people.
5 years ago: All I knew is to study hard. I never thought of playing and I didn’t have many friends. My world was small.
6 months ago: I started to believe in God. My life changed because of my religion. I learned that life can be beautiful and meaningful. On the other hand, I was still headed to fashion design… until 2 months ago.

There was a specific aesthetic moment when I was walking down the streets in Central. The streets near to the soho areas, where separated from the landmark area, were full of art galleries and design boutiques. It seems to be an oasis in the city. There are many private art galleries, as well as art centres. I was entirely dazzled by the amazing artwork. There I can feel the essence of art, with creativity, with freedom. Everybody passing by is artistic; everything passed by is artistic. I did not want to leave, but stay there forever. ‘I love to be surrounded by beautiful things,’ the fashion designer Tom Ford has once said. And this was the most suitable description for my feelings at that time.