Mothers’ Day is just around the corner. I happen to think of the brilliant smiles of May and the red carnation on her breast. I wonder what she is doing now. Does she still sell betel nuts? Does she have the courage to join the 100 meter dash of the Heaven Cup?

May was in her early forties. And she lived in Taitung. She was afflicted with the cancer. She had to go to Tzu-Chi Hospital to receive treatment every week. When she stayed in Taitung, St. Mary’s Hospital took charge of the hospice care. The two hospitals have a good rapport.

In January, she came to St. Mary’s Hospital. At that time, her complaints were gasping for air, stomach aches, ascites and night sweat. But she withstood all these physical pains and continued to look pessimistic. Her sister took care of her on ordinary days. Her niece liked to stay beside her. In comparison, her husband was quiet and he was unable to get used to the circumstances. He was often drunk as if he tried to turn a blind eye to the bad situation. I am told she was a betel nut show girl with a nice figure before. Rumor had it that she was  so-called a “Betel Nut Killer” before she fell ill. She was active in her community. She was an important supporter of sisterhood (Women’s Meetings) and Parents’ Meeting (Parent-Teachers’ Meeting). She often boasted she had succeeded in capturing first place in each of the 100 meter dash every time She participated in. Her sister jokingly said she was the first from the back. When she was admitted to the hospital, many friends and relatives of hers came to visit her. The atmosphere in her ward was always hilarious. When she got better, the hospital suggested that she had better go back home for rest. Of course, the hospital offered her hospice care. A Western proverb says: “East or west, home is the best.” People feel warm and safe at home.

As her cancer cells spread to other parts of her body, she went from bad to worse. Cancer cells were boiling in her stomach like boiling water. Her night sweats occurred over and over again. May herself was conscious of her condition and seemed to know what would happen to her. A nurse called A-Lun took charge of her and found her feeling blue. A-Lun tried every way possible to please her. She requested Anna to prepare a set of recreational activity materials, including balm, chopsticks, papers, etc. She could play with these things as she liked. This was a good way of keeping her fingers active. May skillfully used a pair of chopsticks to paste things together as if she were covering betel nuts. May smiled and said: “I am an old betel nut show girl. I have nothing on my body worth showing off.” We all burst into laughter. And then she was lost in long thought. She said to herself: “I doubt whether I have chance to go back to my old job – a betel nut show girl.”

One night in April, she choked suddenly her face becoming black and blue. And what was worse was she went into spasms all over her body. Her mother called a nurse for help. The fact was that the cancer cells swelled up and attached themselves to her trachea (windpipe). That was why she could not breathe. She was lucky enough to be found in time. The critical turn for the worse took her by surprise. She was too shocked to go home. Her family members came and were quite aware that she could die at any time. They arranged a Christian Baptism Ceremony for her.

The next day, A-Lun came into the ward with some cans in her hands, her body sweet smelling. She smiled and said: “I came to massage you.” May smiled embarrassingly: “Massage?” A-Lun began to pour out one drop at a time of essence into her hands, changed into perfume and gently massaged May’s breasts, limbs, and the acupuncture points. May felt comfortable. A-Lun sang her to sleep by singing in a very slow manner. The result was that May was able to have a good night’s sleep.

When May woke up, she looked refreshed. A-Lun teasingly asked: “Where did you go just now?”

She replied: “I dreamed of going into a forest. I embraced a tree as big as the Divine Tree in Alishan. It was so big that I could only hold a bit of one of its roots.”

A-Lun asked: “What were you thinking at that moment?”

May answered hurriedly: “I kept breathing, but the big tree said nothing to me.” A-Lun understood her fear of suffocation. She went on to ask: “And then?” May continued: “Then I found my mother calling to me from out of the forest. My mother encouraged me by saying `Come on! Come on!´” It was true that her mother just stood in front of the bed and kept saying “Come on!” And she heard it.

A-Lun asked: “How did you get into the forest?”

May replied: “I raised my head and saw many leaves falling from the sky. The twilight through between the leaves stimulated my eyes and I woke up.” She said: “The feeling of seeing leaves was hard to tell.” She wondered why the leaves would fall down. A-Lun said nothing and the question was left to  May herself to answer.

May 12 this year is Mothers’ Day. The school of May’s children had an anniversary athletic meet. Her children asked her whether she could come. May wished to join in the athletic meet and looked at A-Lun beside her as if she was asking, “May I?” A-Lun said with a smile: “We’ll wait and see. But you have to come.” The children were glad to hear this and they asked their mother whether she would sign up to compete for 100 meter dash championship. May replied with a smile on her face: “Of course. But I’ll sit in the wheelchair.”

On her anniversary, early in the morning A-Lun and Anna went to the ward to help her with putting on the makeup. May became a hot girl again. It was hot. And kapok flowers were in full boom. Anna was running here there, running after the kapok flowers. A-Lun pushed the wheelchair. The husband of May opened up the umbrella. The eye-catching procession proceeded into the playground. To her neighbors’ surprise, May showed up. They felt sympathetic and respectful. They were talking and laughing happily. May forgot her cancer and laughed loudly.

It was Mother’s Day and the school prepared carnations for the children to present to their mothers. May’s children presented her a carnation her and put it on her breast. And in turn May presented one to her old mother. The red carnation represented the children’s gratitude for their mothers.

Soon after that, the emcee jokingly said through the microphone, “May! May! Please get ready at the starting line for the 100 meter dash” All the people in playground broke out laughing. A-Niu innocently asked her aunt if she was serious.

May said on purpose, “Can you find another person in the wheelchairs?” The childlike A-Niu pretended to look around to find another one. The woman sitting on the chair next to her said: “The chair I sit on has no wheels. How can it run?” All of us broke into laughter except May who looked frustrated.

Anna suddenly said: “I will run instead of her.” And then she ran toward to the Starting Line. She joined in the 100 meter dash by the name of  May. She was the first from the back.

At one o’clock or so, May went back home to meet her relatives and friends and she returned to the hospital in the evening. A-Lun was on duty. She helped May’s daughter and A-Niu paint the Mother’s Day cards. They presented the cards to Xiau-mei who was in a sound sleep. She looked pleased on the Mother’s Day. Happiness and contentment relieved her of her low feelings at the time. The dresses, shoes, and a hat that could cover her forehead were ready in the closet. This was how May wanted to be dressed when she finally passed away.

A month later, she died in her house. A-Lun got the phone call in the early morning and she left as soon as possible for her home. There were many people in her house. The brethren (congregation) were singing the religious songs in the house. In that same room the sisters were blessing her.  May was lying on the bed in neat clothes and her face was peaceful. A-Lun pulled out the tubes that supported her while she was still alive and said good-bye to her.

The annual Mother’s Day is close at hand. May, how are you? Are there also red carnations in the Heaven? (2007.05.08)