We took a walk last night.

We both missed the rain.

And you said you missed the smell.

So you asked me if I wanted to go for a walk when I sat on the stair in front of my apartment.

I didn't remember most of the conversation, but I remembered something about Covid.

I didn't remember what I said to you when I was drunk last night, but I remembered I said that "I have no idea what you are talking about but I like the language" when you were on the phone with your friend.

I was too drunk.

And I remembered that I lay on your lap and you patted me in the back.

Then I didn't remember when and how I got in to bed, and didn't remember what actually happened after.

But I remembered I asked you "are you still watching?" and you laughed said no.

It's just because I was so drunk, I was afraid about what I said to you.

I didn't know if I said something too serious or reveal some of my feeling by accident. 

I just don't wanna lose you.

In the morning, you gave me a kiss when you were leaving,

and I asked "can I have a hug?"

Then you gave me a long hug, and patted my head.

I just didn't know what to do since then.

And my message reminds me that M said, "Also I don't want you to be alone on Christmas if you don't have plans". "It'd make me really happy if you could."

It socks because I can't give you what you give it to me equally.