2010-07-12 12:29:20Dominick

what's wrong with me?

  Last check up for the lab result was somewhat disappointed. Because the CD4 numbers doesn't improve that much, from 401 to 429. Although the viral load decrease from 649 to 57. The doctor even questioned me if I missed the pill. But the true is never happen to me like that at all. I am anxious everyday for taking the medications. Actually it's already affecting huge in my life. Sometime I would rather die in a accidence than live in this kind of life. It's a toucher to me. 

  I tried to look back in the past three months that I did differently than before the other time blood lab was stopping the jogging, taking Linzhi, andy soup, and stared Stilnox, Imodine. And two weeks right before the blood work done, I had a bad cold. I don't know which of which actually affected on my condition. Maybe all of them!

  This summer is intolerable hot to me. I never hate the heat like this year before. The pimple lesions were just getting better but right after coming with eczema. All the itching rash occupied all over my armpits and groins in a week. No matter what I did could not made them better. I could not sleep well at night and woke up so many times because the itching. I saw the family dotor and dermatologist, who both think it's just a allergy reaction either from food or my sweat after exercise. I was worry about Scabies like my Hiv doctor said long time ago. But I checked it online and thought again that it could not just spread so fast in a week even I have HIV. At least I tried the topical medication he prescribed to me for scabie the other time. It made them worse eventually. I have no idea what else I can do now. I don't even dare to walk out of my front door. I wish to die before I know I am HIV+.