It is weird though. I wasn’t down knewing I did not perform well in the job interview. But I was depressed being asked to walk from the Puduraya bus station to the main road to wait for the bus. The same happened last year when I was on my way home from the convocation with my parents.

Kuala Lumpur, a place I never ever had good impression of. It is dirty, noisy, crowded and most of all disorganized like a barbarian community. And we called our own country as a developing country.

Standing there waiting for the bus, I wondered why would I came all the way here to attend the interview and hoping to get the job and settle down in such a place I hated so much. What does all that mean after all? Working hard in a place I dare not even hope things will get better then?

While the express bus stopped in the gas station on the highway, I looked through the windows. A great fear deep in my heart - fear of being in this country for the rest of my life. Imagining myself still living in Malaysia, in that barbarian crowds, disorganized place. I am scared of it. I do not want to be as such.

Now, the only way to get out of this which is in my mind is to go for further study in Singapore. No matter what it takes, another four years in the university, paying back a large sum of study loan, working part time to cover the daily expenses, studying ten times or even hundreds or thousands times harder than I ever had to.

All I want is to get out of these hopeless and despair.